There are lots of reasons to love London: the inbred Royal family caged away far from public gaze, the almost sexual excess shown in boarding rush hour tubes, the unpredictable weather that makes each and every day a bit of a gamble and of course all the wonderful tourists just waiting to be misdirected and laughed at for queuing up outside the rankest 'attraction' in the world - The London Dungeon. But the very BEST thing about being a Londoner is our Mayor. He's a fucking champ.
Ken has now announced his plans to save London's dwindling poisonous snake population. Never one to shy away from unpopular policies if he sees some sense in them, he's not only worried for the few adders that we have left he's actually poised to bring more into the capital from other parts of the country just to keep their numbers up.
God, we love this man.
Ken, who is well-known for his love of newts, is all set to save the snakes from the evil M25 which the poor little guys do their best to cross when they're feeling the urge to procreate - which let's face it, is the main reason that a lot of people use the M25. Rather than a motorway we need a huge wall like the one around Mega City One in 2000AD. Londoners can stay inside the M25 and the rest of the country can leave offerings at the gates. We're drafting up just such a proposal that should be on Ken's reptile egg covered desk by Monday.
We're expecting the usual backlash from the Standard and elsewhere as snakes have had a bit of a bad rep ever since that Eve tart used one as an alibi after jumping that naked guy in some garden.
So don't panic - adder bites are rarely fatal and the cars coming in from the M25 with dead animals crushed in their treads are more likely to kill you than a stray viper. Head over to London Wildweb for the best place to spot the city's wildlife and join us in toasting our one-of-a-kind Mayor.