Real contender for 'Story of the Month' this one, so thanks to Londonist reader 'Jon' for bringing it to our attention this morning.
Are you ready? Ok then: a German student tried to sail to France on a makeshift raft, but ended up being fished out the Thames by the Coast Guard.
See, we told you it was good.
The unnamed student had no money to get home via the usual means and so he planned to sail to Margate before navigating the English Channel to France and then walking the rest of the way to his home town of Berlin (has he never heard of hitchhiking?)
The raft was made of water-cooler bottles (empty we presume) taped to strips of builders' piping, but even such a 'sturdy' vessel was no match for the tumultuous waters of the Thames, and our hero got into a spot of trouble in choppy conditions near the Millennium Dome, where he was rescued by the coastguard.
Now, brace yoursleves, because this story is about to get even better. We know, it's hard to believe isn't it? But, you see, this kid is so
stupid homesick that he... DECIDES TO TRY AGAIN!
The very next day coastguards had to be called out to Vauxhall where the plucky adventurer was "floundering outside MI6 headquarters."
Brilliant: not only did he 'flounder' he floundered outside one of the most heavily-protected buildings in the entire city. And one that has, relatively recently, come under attack from waterborn crafts.
According to the RNLI the student's only means of propulsion were a sail and "a paddle that would have been about as much use as a dessert spoon."
Unfortunately the student's raft has now been confiscated so there should be no more attempts (unless he tries to swim it this time or something).
Londonist would like to point out to any impressionable, homesick readers who might be reading this, that easyJet do flights to Berlin for under fifty quid, and if you're that desperate maybe we could organise a whip-round or soemthing.