Strange things are afoot at the Parish of Saint George in Hanworth Park after the long dead Aubrey, sixth Duke of St Albans, has disappeared.
In a search for the origin of an underground leak the Rev Paul Williamson decided to enter the Dukes crypt, however after opening up the gravestone there was no crypt, and no dead Duke.
There was only a sandpit, which must go down as Londons creepiest kids attraction, however we doubt that even Goth parents would let their depressingly attired offspring play in it.
The Reverend tells us that "Three of our residents say they have been down there before, as children, and have seen the Duke's coffin" but our money is on dodgy 19th Century cockney builders.
"Yeah, we built you a cracking crypt mate, it's got them Corinthian pillars what the King likes, and a water feature, but I wouldn't go down there if I was you, the Dukes turned into one of them undead."