The £40m des res in the making is apparently having an extensive underground extension built, which is what all the wealthies are doing these days, darlings. Whilst reports claim that it's all for swimming pools, spas and car parks we prefer to speculate that he's making a dungeon for his perky pet Paula Abdul and building a sound proofed karaoke room for his own private caterwauling when he gets home from a hard day's work filming one of his many, vapid music talent spotting shows.

Meanwhile, the aforementioned pet Paula has been on duty speaking out in support of Cowell's rampant hetereosexuality despite her previous quips about his wanting to wear her clothes. This and their constant love/hate telly relationship just makes this dodgy Photoshopped image all the more disturbing.

Image of waxy Cowell courtesy of xrrr's Flickrstream.