How Not To Use An Oyster Card In 12 Bizarre Stock Images

By M@ Last edited 17 months ago
How Not To Use An Oyster Card In 12 Bizarre Stock Images

Meet the man who can't fathom the Oyster card. We don't know who he is, or what he is doing, but we do know that he lacks any understanding of contactless payment.

We discovered the man's adventures across London while browsing the Shutterstock image library. Here we piece together his hapless journey.

We're not sure what futuristic metropolis our mystery man hails from. Presumably, you can just wave your contactless out the window and some kind of flying Uber turns up at your balcony. Not in our town, son. And haven't you heard of card clash?
"Oh magic card, magic card, if I touch you to my map, will you take me there?"
The penny finally drops. Our man leaves his holiday apartment on foot and heads out to do some sightseeing. His first stop is Wellington Arch which, despite being London's most massive ticketed gate, proves stubbornly indifferent to his Oyster.
After phoning the Oyster helpline the frustrated tourist learns that he can only use the card for TfL services. It just won't work on Victorian triumphal arches. But where to swipe it? Obviously, you need to aim for the red-and-blue circle thing. There's one outside every station.
Nope... still no joy.
Lightbulb moment! "Perhaps I have to present the card to someone or something within the station. How about this wall?"
No. Just no.
Finally making it down to platform level, our bumbling tourist misses a train by two seconds. Not to fear. Just wave the magic card at the doors and they will reopen.
"Haha, I did it. Now I'm a proper Londoner. Look! Look! I have an Oyster and I know how to use it! Look everyone. Look!"
"No. No. Come back. Please."
"I've had enough. Take me back to King's Cross, oh magic card. I'm out of this stupid city."

All images from Shutterstock.

Last Updated 08 November 2022