They are the kind of syrupy tones you'd associate with Roger Moore or Steven Toast — yet these silky words are straight from the mouth of a conductor on the DLR.
Passenger Sergii Molchanov recorded the hilarious extracts while riding on a DLR commuter train, presumably at the end of a hot summer's day.
"I know everybody wants to go home so let's work together and make this happen," croons the cool conductor, chucking in some free advice: "As they say, without sacrifice, there's no victory, so this is your sacrifice."
"It's uncomfortably intimate at the moment. You probably have someone touching you all over," he adds, before admitting he'd rather like an ice cream.
But being consistently smooth isn't easy, and at one point the Barry White of the Isle of Dogs humbly admits, "This is South Quay station, alight here for... I'm not sure."
After that he's back on track, saving the best for last, as the train pulls into Lewisham: "I'm sure it's been a long day and all you want to do is get home, right," he purrs. "So have a safe journey and enjoy the rest of your evening. In fact to help you relax this evening, I have a suggestion — in one hand there's a glass, in the other a bottle of smooth delicious wine. I think we all know how this story ends. Oh yeeeeeah."
A message to TfL: get this guy to train up every driver and conductor on the network. And hand out free ice cream and wine while you're at it.