8 Stereotypes Londoners Have Of Northerners

By Stuart Black Last edited 28 months ago
8 Stereotypes Londoners Have Of Northerners
Liam Gallagher, sorry, Sacha Baron Cohen in Grimsby

After Hammersmith-born comic Sacha Baron Cohen aimed his comedy water pistol at the north in his film Grimsby, we thought we'd take the opportunity to examine a few common preconceptions about Northern folk held by most (if not all) Londoners.

1. The North does not start at Watford

Apparently there's a thing called the Midlands that you need to get through first (you can find out more about this area by watching The Lord Of The Rings series of documentaries).

2. They don't speak Scottish

And they don't like it when you say they do (though it's impossible to understand their complaints anyhow so don't worry about this too much).

3. Not everyone bathes in lakes up there

Apparently children and the elderly are allowed to carry out basic ablutions in outside toilet facilities.

4. Mel Gibson is not their king

And they are not interested in freedom either — they actually voted to remain a vassal state of London, according to facts.

5. They eat slices of clotted pigs blood

Actually this one is true — it's called black pudding so presumably they enjoy it as some sort of dessert. There's also a variant called white pudding (don't ask).

6. They hate sweet Margaret Thatcher

Still upset about losing their school milk in the war, they now blame Mrs T for pretty much everything even though she replaced their old industries (salt mines and ferret farms) with modern ones (they now produce 93% of London's fried chicken in deluxe call centres).

7. Vengeful Northerners form war parties on Friday nights and head into London to harm us

The men mostly do battle on the tube, while the women cheerlead (wearing as little as possible even in minus temperatures so their orange war paint can be visible from a distance of several miles).

8. Hadrian's Wall is unlikely to keep them out

Rather worryingly, this key defensive feature is in ruins and very easy to climb over. Sign up here to the only political party committed to rebuilding it.

Last Updated 16 November 2016

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