Get Dixon of Dock Green on the blower. See if DCI Burnside of Sun Hill is still kicking about ('Tosh isn't, sadly). A lack of security staff for the 2012 Games has led a senior police figure to recommend that veteran officers are brought out of retirement for the Olympics. Having outlined a £600 million pound security plan earlier in the year, officials are now concerned that there simply won't be enough able and......

This is what we have learned in between defrosting our typing fingers this weekend: The Met apparently wants more lady bikers. They claim macho stereotyping is putting the girls off: why don’t they realise that an endless run of bad hair days is just not that appealing. Ray ‘Sexy Beast’ Winstone is in the running for a remake of the Sweeney. Cor blimey guv. Residents of a block of flats in Lewisham have been......