This could be the fate of St Paul's Cathedral after a (tongue-in-cheek) application to the City of London for complete demolition of the 17th Century landmark. Perhaps for next week's Touch Up London, someone could put together what the cathedral's 21st century glass-and-steel replacement might look like? Before the wrecking balls move in, check out this wonderful lecture from Hooke and Wren biographer Lisa Jardine at the Royal Society, about the building and secrets......

With the rising cost of oil, and ergo jet fuel, it's about time we got round to establishing a permanent beach here in London. We propose Greenwich Peninsula, with its underused Tube station and impressive views. Buildings by daejn, beach and montage by M@. Do you have a vision for London that's more twisted than the Artful Dodger's DNA? Send your images to londonist - at - gmail dot com.......

With the Star Over London airship proving such a success, plans are afoot to give it a permanent mooring above St Pancras chambers. When not in service, the curvaceous dirigible will use the Barlow train shed for a hanger. Do you have a vision for London that's more warped than Captain Kirk's loom? Send your distorted realities to Londonist - at - gmail dot com. And browse our archive.......

People are always moaning that London makes insufficient use of the Thames. Well, with a bit of Tower Bridge tweaking, we could build a new port for cruise liners within the Pool of London. Imagine taking the QM2 right into the heart of the City. Got a vision for London that's more surreal than anything Boris could come up with? Send entries to londonist - at - gmail.com.......

Archiving is so important these days. Here's our vision of the ideal place to display former Fourth Plinth occupants. 'Old Stumpy' next to Blackfriars Bridge provides twelve storage pedestals for the growing collection of erstwhile Trafalgar Square plinthians. And how about employing Battersea Power Station's chimneys for the generally larger Turbine Hall sculptures? Got a vision for London that's even skewier than the Mayor's? Send your ideas and images to londonist - at -......

Boris Johnson is the new Mayor of London. The Blond received 1,043,761 (43%) first preference votes compared to Livingstone's 893,877 (37%), with Paddick gaining just 10% of the vote. With neither main candidate reaching the magic 50%, second preference votes were taken into account, giving Boris a victory of 1,168,738 votes over Ken's 1,028,966. The result mirrors local election results all over the UK, where the Conservatives have delivered a savage mauling to Labour......

Here's an idea. Build temporary cofferdams in historic stretches of the Thames so that archaeologists can really get to work. It's amazing what you can find beneath a river that's served a city for 2000 years. Image by M@. Got an idea for a Touch Up London? Check out our archives, and send your own figments to londonist - at gmaildotcom.......

Another entry from Roll the Dice, showing a cunning method of crossing Tower Bridge without being stopped by tourists. Check out more Touch Ups in our archive and, if you feel inspired, send in your own photoshopped imagery of the capital to londonist - at - gmail.com.......

London and its environs - if Google maps had a cultural bias setting. We want your distorted images of London. Have a look through our archives, be inspired, and send entries to londonist at gmail dot com. Image by M@......

Regular reader Mehrdad collects unusual look-a-likies on his blog Aref-Adib. His latest discovery is that the Tube can bear a striking resemblance to the work of Dutch neo-plasticist (hey, we can use Wikipedia) Piet Mondrian.......

It's still difficult to tell how the mayoral race is going - where are all the opinion polls? But there's no doubt that, in the past week, the Livingstone campaign has made a huge effort to get its show on the road. The launch of his transport manifesto at Stratford station on Monday was designed to invite the most damning of comparisons between the present mayor's apparent grasp of the scale and complexity of......

If we were Mayor, we'd order more bendybuses, not fewer as Boris would like. But why settle for just one concertina point? We'd fuse together all remaining double-deckers into a superomnibendysnake to convey tourists about town. All aboard! Please let us know what you'd do if you were Mayor via the medium of Photoshop. Send all entries to londonist - at - gmail - dot - com and we'll sort out some kind of......

At first glance, this looks like a rather pleasant alternative to the Millennium Bridge - a verdant, undulating span like nothing else in London. But look at what's written along the side and you may feel your gorge begin to rise. The Diana Memorial Bridge is one of dozens of abandoned London schemes in a long-running thread on skyscrapercity forums. These include an X-rated erotic gherkin, a bulbous colander for Trafalgar Square and, our......

This week, our first literal touch up, as two of London's temporary statues get up close and personal. The image comes from Mike Miller, father of US rapper Wrekonize, whose malsized form can be seen squatting on the fire escape. No, we don't understand either. Please send in your distorted images of London to londonist - at gmail - dot com......

Here we see a herd of Metropolitanus bestialacus encountering their rare, six-legged cousins the Metropolitanus aureus on the plains of the Serengeti. Indigenous to arid lands, these animals have evolved capacious water cavities along their backs to preserve the precious rainfall. Original background image from Kumasawa's Flickr photostream.......

One of London's more remarkable tower blocks has begun construction. Strata, also called the Electric razor for not unfathomable reasons, will soon begin to rise from a site just south of Elephant and Castle, reports skyscrapernews. The 147 m structure is wholly residential, with 399 apartments, a quarter of which are earmarked for social housing. This is no ordinary high-rise. At its summit, three huge wind turbines will set a green example visible for......

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Gold, frankincense, myrrh. What are these to a small child? If the magi were really such wise men, they'd have headed to Regent Street, where Hamleys and the Disney Store provide all the playthings a growing Saviour needs. Please send festively themed Touch Up London entries to londonist - at - gmail - dot com......

The queues are already forming outside Buckingham Palace to see what lurks behind door number 21. Will it be the Star of Bethlehem? Or Michael Fagin? We'll be running a seasonal Touch-up every day until Christmas, so please send entries to londonist - at - gmail dot com. Source image from koltregask's Flickr photostream.......

Alain Robert isn't the only one scaling London's buildings. Poor old Santa's having a hard time of it in Battersea. Does he just use one chimney, or should he scale all four? And do the resident Cybermen deserve Christmas presents anyway? We'll be featuring a seasonal Touch-up every day until Christmas, so please send entries to londonist - at - gmail - dot com......

So, back to our Christmas theme today, with this mouthwatering picture of St Paul's standing atop Pudgate Hill. The dripping roof no doubt tastes a lot better than its counterpart of 1666. During the Great Fire, the lead roof of Old St Paul's melted, and a plumbate river oozed through the burning town. We'll be featuring a festive 'Touch Up' every day until Christmas, so please send entries to Londonist - at -gmail -......

OK, so we're going to take a break from our daily dose of yuletide touch-ups to show you this creation from reader Hugh Macdonald. His idea might be just what the capital needs to power all those Christmas lights. Three cheers for genetic modification. From tomorrow, we'll be featuring a Touch-up London every day until Christmas. So send seasonal entries to londonist - at - gmail dot com.......

Before the demolition of Old London Bridge, whose narrow arches restricted the flow, the Thames used to freeze over in the coldest winters. In such years, the denizens of London would gather on the ice for a frost fair. Here's how it might look today. Although we suspect that icing over the Thames would be easier than freezing modern health and safety rules. As a yuletide bonus, we'll be doing a seasonally themed Touch......

Last week we challenged you to peer into alternative universes and find out what London would have been like had history taken a different course. Roll the Dice sent in this Teutonic take on the Tube. Had the Germans won either of the world wars, the London underground might now look something like this. We'll leave you to make the inevitable wisecracks about efficiency and punctuality in the comments. Now, we're offering £20 to......

If Napoleon had won, Trafalgar Square would have been a very different place. For starters, it would have probably been called Austerlitz Square, or something. And there would be no need to employ hawks to scare off the pigeons. A set of imperial eagles would have sorted that one out. Why don't we make this a theme? Please send in your images of how the capital might have looked had we not won certain......

Another dip into a parallel London, in which this week's opening of St Pancras took a sinister and surreal twist. Got a f*cked up image of the capital? Send it to londonist at gmail dot com Background image manipulated from Malias' Flickr photostream.......

We can't think of anything more scary for Hallowe'en than Hawksmoor's brooding masterpiece of Christ Church, Spitalfields, spreading out its talons, poised to strike. The church has often been linked to the occult and mysterious - most notably in Alan Moore's 'From Hell' and the work of Iain Sinclair. Keep sending in your own images of distorted London to londonist - at - gmail - dot - com......

Last week, we asked you to imagine London in the clutches of a saurian rampage. Daniel Sykes sent in this little gem. It's Reign of Fire meets Pete's Dragon - very much a film we don't want to see. Daniel wins a signed copy of Melvin Burgess' Bloodsong, thanks to the good people at Penguin and their new community site Spinebreakers. Touch Up London returns to abnormal next week, and we want your images.......

Earlier today, proposals to limit the Mayor's stint in office to two terms were quashed. Ken is now free to rule the capital until the ends of time. Assuming, of course, he finds the means to artificially prolong his lifespan. Keep those pictures of a reimagined London coming in. And remember our dragon competition.......