Pour the wine and dust off the bunting — Eurovision is back. The 2018 contest is being played out in Lisbon, with the final being broadcast on BBC One on Saturday 12 May.
The UK's 2018 entry is singer-songwriter SuRie, who is performing Storm. Could this be our year? Who knows, but we'll be in a corner somewhere, downing a shot every time Graham Norton asks that very question.
Warm up events:
Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Vauxhall
Sister Mary's Eurovision Playtime sounds like an absolute hoot, if we're being honest. We're promised performances of Eurovision songs and show tunes, along with quizzes, all hosted by Sister Mary McArthur, who's performed all over the world. Audience participation is involved — you've been warned.
£10, book ahead, Wednesday 9 May, 8pm-11.55pm
Underbelly Festival, Southbank
If you're the sort of person who believes Eurovision celebrations shouldn't be restricted to one night, head to Underbelly Festival to see an alternative Eurovision. Various cabaret acts will battle it out to see who will be crowned champion.
From £15.50, book ahead, Friday 11 May, 9.30pm-11.15pm
On the night:
The Water Poet, Spitalfields
This Tardis of a pub in east London delivers one of the capital's best Eurovision parties every year, and this year it comes "with added seamen". In line with 2018's theme "all aboard", the pub will be decked out to look like an ocean liner, with prizes for the best seafaring costumes. Food is on a Portuguese theme in a nod to the host country, and you'll be able to wash it down with desert island cocktails (Malibu features heavily).
Free entry, just turn up, noon-midnight
Nordic Bar, Fitzrovia
Nordic Bar promises a night of 'cliches and glittery outfits' as the action is screened live from Lisbon.
£5/£7, book ahead, 5pm-2.15am (last entry 7.30pm)
Rio Cinema, Dalston
The roving Eurovision Party London washes up in Dalston this year with Eurovision cocktails and Portuguese food to tuck into while the show is broadcast. Once the winner's been announced, a live DJ will be playing tunes from Eurovisions past for you to dance the night away.
£19.81, book ahead, 6pm-3am
Bethnal Green Working Men's Club
Bethnal Green Working Men's Club goes all out with live commentary over the screenings (shouting, dancing and booing along all encouraged), live acts to entertain the audience in the dull parts, and plenty of cringey games later in the evening.
£8, book ahead, from 7pm
The Phoenix Artist Club, Tottenham Court Road
The screening is only a small part of the action at The Phoenix Artist Club's Eurovision party. Test your knowledge with what claims to be Europe's hardest Eurovision quiz, contest inspired food and cocktails, and a DJ to keep you dancing long after the show's over.
£25-£45, book ahead, 7pm-3am
Salvador & Amanda, Bloomsbury
Spanish restaurant and tapas bar Salvador & Amanda is serving up sangria and tapas during the screening — and singing along is very much encouraged.
£5, book ahead, 8pm-midnight
Six Storeys, Soho
Head to Six Storeys if you prefer a hands-on approach to Eurovision, featuring a live screening followed by karaoke.
£5/£25, book ahead, 8pm-1am