Things To Do This Weekend In London: 30 September-1 October 2017

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All weekend

What did the Romans do for London anyway?

MARSDEN MYSTERIES: Grab your best clue-busting pals and embark on a treasure hunt to challenge the most inquisitive of minds. You'll complete a series of clues, conundrums and challenges, and help The Royal Marsden raise money for people affected by cancer, too. Result. Mystery location (South Kensington), £50 for a team of 6, book ahead, various times, 30 September-1 October

BULLSHITIUM LONDINIUM: In the era of anti-intellectualism, who wants a factually accurate walking tour anyway? Learn (not) a lot on this tour of London led by Maximus Deceivius Mischievia — expect a whole lot of untruths. Leadenhall Market, free, just turn up, various times, 30 September-1 October

PERSONAL PAMPERING: Looking for a gift with an extra-personal touch? This pop-up shop from Button & Wilde — part of the Up Market design and crafts market at Brent Cross — is your chance to sample, and customise, some of the bath and body care gifts on offer. Brent Cross Shopping Centre, various prices, just turn up, various times, 30 September-1 October

SENSORY OVERLOAD: Artists and lighting/sound designers Emily Motto, Ed Haslam, Henry Howe and Jack Dale have created something huge and intriguing for Art Lick Weekend along this year's theme of Finding Solutions. Nexus Space will guide you through the room, whilst tactile glowing orbs host sensors that trigger sound and light animations. Platform Southwark, free, just turn up, noon-6.30pm

Saturday 30 September

This neon experience is the perfect night-out work-out

PATHS TO FREEDOM: On the eve of Black History Month, leading academics delve into Hackney's rich historical past, and uncover it's global connections and links to slavery and the anti-slavery movement. Newington Green Unitarian Church, £8, book ahead, 10.30am-4.30pm

THAMESIDE TALES: Unravel the Bermondsey story, past and present, on this two and a half mile walk through South London's old wharfside docks. Bermondsey tube, £6, book ahead, 11am-1pm

YOGA: A yoga class with world-renowned teacher Gloria Latham is sure to give those muscles a well needed stretch. You'll receive a goody bag filled with treats from luxury beauty brands too — and there's even a silent auction with lots from some of London's most prestigious brands, with all proceeds going to charity. Migration Museum (Lambeth), £25, book ahead, 11am-1.30pm

WALWORTH WANDER: Walworth is home to one of London's oldest and most vibrant markets, and St Peter's church — the first designed by Sir John Soane. Fancy a gander? Elephant and Castle Shopping Centre, £4, just turn up, 11am-2pm  

HAMPSTEAD WALK: This 6 mile walk is the perfect introduction to Hampstead, charting its rise from an 18th century sleepy village to a fashionable health spa resort, frequented by wealthy merchants, artists and writers. Hampstead station, £6, book ahead, 11am-3pm

TEA LOVERS: This one is oh-so-British. If there's one thing that unites us all, it's a love affair with tea, and this tea-riffic programme of workshops is perfect for lovers of the stuff — from your greasy spoon stuff to hip Matcha lattes, and everything in between. Courage Yard (Shad Thames), various prices, book ahead, 11am-5pm

MOON FESTIVAL: London's largest Asian food hall is hosting a full day of celebrations for the Moon Festival, including a raffle, traditional performances, children's workshops and, naturally, lots and lots of good food. Bang Bang Oriental (Colindale), free, just turn up, from noon

FACTS AND FASCINATIONS: Australian radio and TV presenter and author Dr Karl Kruszelnicki delves into a whirlwind tour of incredible science facts, figures and fascinations — including how we've managed to tip the Earth off its spin axis. Royal Institution, £16, book ahead, 6pm-7.15pm

GLOW IN THE PARK: Fancy a night-out, but more in need of a work-out? This 5km neon experience combines the two, with electrifying light shows and energising beats to carry you around the dark course. It's open for all ages and abilities, too. Kempton Park Racecourse, £30, book ahead, 7pm

DEFEND THE CITY: Those pesky Dark Wizards have only gone and invaded London. With evil witches and wizards running amok, it's down to you and your team mates to save the city. The catch? You have to venture into the dark woods, and you only have 75 minutes to do it. The Shed (Russia Dock Woodland), £23, book ahead, 7pm

PROHIBITION PARTY: You, like us, are probably getting a bit fed up of 2017. Wouldn't it be nice to travel back in time for a night of riotous twenties opulence? Set in the arches beneath Waterloo station, this hidden underworld comes to life for one night only. The Vaults (Waterloo), £30, book ahead, 8pm-2am

FANDOM AND ADDICTION: Mae Martin shines a light on that one weird shrimp we all have in our brains that is happy to pursue short-term pleasure. In a funny, yet enlightening performance, she asks: who are we when we're not addicted? Soho Theatre, £10, book ahead, 9.30pm

Sunday 1 October

On yer bikes for charity

BRIDGES BIKE RIDE: Pass world famous landmarks and cross beautiful Thames bridges on these 35 and 55 mile routes, before claiming your finishers medal. The less confident, yet eager to take part, will enjoy the 8 mile mini course, sticking mainly to cycle paths. Kings House Sports Ground (Chiswick), £25, book ahead, from 8am

MORNINGTON CHASERS: Where better than Regent's Park for a traffic free, Sunday morning 10k run? The flat course makes this one perfect for all abilities, and with five more races in the coming months, you might even want to make it part of your routine... Regent's Park, £19, book ahead, 9am-11am

BIG BIKE RIDE: Has London gone cycling mad? A choice of lengths and starting locations make this the perfect day out for bike riders of all abilities. There's no better way to take in the stunning views of Greenwich on a Sunday morning. Thamesmere Leisure Centre (Royal Arsenal), £20, just turn up, 10am-4pm

WORLD COFFEE DAY: After celebrating tea on Saturday, it's only fair that coffee got in on the action. Meet with friends and use poetry to inject meaning and depth back into relationships, all over a lovely mug of the stuff. The Cinnamon (Clapham), free, just turn up, 10.30am-11pm

FIFTY PAINTINGS: Architect Peter Brimelow tells his love for the urban landscape of London, through an iconic collection of fifty paintings exploring iconic London street scenes, and challenging stored mental images of familiar places. The Ground Floor Gallery (Fitzrovia), free, just turn up, 11am-4pm

CITY SCULPTURE: The modern City of London is not just a world famous business district. It's also home to an urban sculpture park with works by world class artists. Visit each of the 18 works, by 16 different artists, that have been selected for Sculpture in the City 2017. Liverpool Street station, £10, book ahead, 11am-12.30pm

SILVER SUNDAY: There's nothing like a bit of nostalgia, and this museum is full of it. Two free talks will detail the rich history of brands at the museum, and the accompanying collections no doubt hold iconic items from everyone's past. Museum of Brands, Packaging and Advertising (Ladbroke Grove), £9, just turn up, 11am-5pm

RECLAIM THE TOWPATH: Users of the city's towpaths — boaters, rowers, dog-walkers, cyclists and walkers alike — are invited to form a human chain to 'reclaim the towpath' from crime, and promote safety and solidarity on the waterways. Lee Navigation towpath (Hackney), free, just turn up, 1.30pm-3pm

A RUBBISH TRIP: London really is a load of rubbish, isn't it? Rejoice in the junk and wonder at the waste on this guided walk passing historic dumps and landfills. You've probably never been on a Sunday walk like it... Mudchute DLR, £15, book ahead, 2pm

Funzing

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing.

The Harry Potter Christmas Tour


Get sorted into one of the four magical houses of Hogwarts, and go in exploration of the city’s famous filming locations on this 2-hour walking tour. You’ll meet your guide outside the Palace Theatre, where Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is showing, and set off on your journey across town - following in the footsteps of Deatheaters, visiting the inspiration for Knocturn Alley, and marvelling at the Ministry of Magic. And you better brush up on your Potter knowledge, because you can earn points for your house along the way, by taking part in trivia quizzes. The winners? You’ll find out when the tour ends at Platform 9 3/4… Get tickets

Unveil the Full Body Orgasm This Christmas


Become more connected to your body and learn how to express yourself sexually is this workshop open to both males and females. Fully clothed and without touch, you'll learn how to utilise ancient practices to build a strategy to experience a full-body orgasm whenever you feel like it. For more information and to get tickets: http://bit.ly/2uhTZ5U (sponsor) Get tickets

East London Food Tour


Feast on the tastes of the East End... Chomp on pie and mash from a restaurant that's been open since 1900, and visit Russell Brand's not-for-profit café. There are seven stops in the food and drink tour across Shoreditch and Hoxton, so you better come hungry! Get tickets

Psychology of Attraction


Sex & Relationship mentor Colin Richards will will explain how our early life influences effect our attractions to others and our subsequent sexual behaviours. Colin will also then show you how by adopting a new way of listening and communicating, you can go a long way to overcoming repeated behaviour patterns to achieve the relationship and sexual connection you really want. Get tickets