When will the New York Times learn not to cross Londoners? After causing outrage with this absolute bunkum earlier this year, round two is underway on Twitter. Perhaps naively, or perhaps knowing exactly what would happen (we suspect the former), the New York Times put a call out on Twitter for tales of petty crime in London
Have you experienced a petty crime in London? Click to tell us your story.
(Your submission may be selected for publication.) https://t.co/MRvmXdlYC8β The New York Times (@nytimes) December 13, 2018
And good grief, some of the replies are enough to give Londoners life-long nightmares. Queue pushers, tea heathens and... dare we say it... tube barrier dawdlers all feature. Read on if you dare.
Of course, there was a cat photo:
My home was invaded by a discount Batman. pic.twitter.com/QPK4cgmNFv
β β¨ Gaudete, gaudete, Kat Brown est natus π (@katbrown) December 13, 2018
The sheer (quiet, polite) horror:
a woman jumped the queue at the Waterloo Maccies & we all gave her disapproving looks but didnβt say anything
β Laura Kramer (@Laura_Kramer) December 13, 2018
Some of these sound like works of fiction:
My neighbour in Notting Hill is keeping a Peruvian bear as some sort of unlicensed pet. They put a hat on it and take it on trips to museums and bookshops etc god alone knows what they feed it.
β P Ξ U L F Ξ R R E R (@paulmfarrer) December 13, 2018
Stealing the phone completely would've been a lesser crime:
I once gave a stranger my phone to take a photo of me and my friends on a night out and when he handed it back they were all in portrait mode
β Lucy Prebble (@lucyprebblish) December 13, 2018
There isn't a court in the land that wouldn't convict this monster (no, not Jay Rayner):
The person I was behind at the tube barrier yesterday waited for the person in front of them to go through and the barriers to close, before using their oyster card. AND NOBODY DID ANYTHING, even though I tutted and rolled my eyes #pettycrime
β Jay Rayner (@jayrayner1) December 13, 2018
This one's a particularly widespread crime β you've probably been a victim yourself:
This summer I was charged Β£2.50 for a 99 with a flake and sprinkles. Daylight robbery.
β Simon Anderson (@Simon_anderson1) December 13, 2018
Look away now, tea purists
Still reeling from someone putting milk in my tea, BEFORE adding hot water. Shame! #transportthem
β Clare (@clareangela) December 13, 2018
Some crimes are absolutely unforgivable:
Someone on the train this morning had the keyboard sound on on their iPhone. I naturally called the police on them.
β Chris Pople (@chrispople) December 13, 2018
For goodness sake, will someone alert the Metropolitan Police?!?
a neighbour tried to start a conversation, once
β Jim Pickard (@PickardJE) December 13, 2018
Even seasonal crimes are being reported:
Every December someone breaks into my living room, eats a mince pie, takes a bite from a mince pie and leaves a heap of presents. You can only imagine the carnage that ensues when my kids get up. Itβs devastating.
β becksldrt (@becksldrt) December 13, 2018
If you listen really carefully, you'll hear a journalist in the NYT offices Googling 'Oi Oi Saveloy Law':
Somebody dropped a load of plates in a restaurant and nobody cheered, an offence under The Obligatory Banter Act (2003), otherwise known as the Oi Oi Saveloy Law.
β Alistair Coleman (@alistaircoleman) December 13, 2018
Well played London, well played. In what appears to be a classic case of we-can-diss-our-city-but-don't-you-dare, we can't imagine this tweet would have received anywhere near this response if tweeted by a British paper... Stand by to see what sort of a headline the NYT puts together out of this.