Damning Reviews Of London Attractions

Will Noble
By Will Noble Last edited 19 months ago
Damning Reviews Of London Attractions

Boring. Silly. Horrible. Out of date. Waste of photo storage. A few comments from the torrent of negative feedback on TripAdvisor, for some of London's biggest tourist attractions. Agree that the Tower of London should be avoided? That Buckingham Palace is posh, empty and dark? That the British Museum needs updating? Then you may agree with some of these reviewers...

Tower of London

Thought the Tower of London was an infinitely fascinating palimpsest of London's monarchical and military history? Think again. Because Milendr from Chicago has decided it's boring — "plain and simple".

"After wasting 3 hours there, I still couldn't tell you where Anne Boleyn was kept nor really much beyond what I could've learned from a river cruise," Milendr laments (we can't help thinking if she'd gone on one of the tours — or just spoken to a Beefeater — she might have learned something). "Avoid it," she concludes, thus discarding the crappy castle to the trash heap.

It's not the only review on TripAdvisor that's enough to make a Beefeater wince:

Come on now, GIFTCITY, at least 75% of Beefeaters are attractive.

Also, someone from Peterborough seems to have used the Tower as a hotel, and loved it so much that they gave it... 1/5. We are confused too.

The London Eye

The views from the London Eye are nice for 10 minutes, says Ryan H, but then it all gets incredibly boring. To paraphrase John Cleese, "May we ask what you expected to see out of a London Eye pod? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...?" Then again, if everyone feels like Ryan H, the Eye can speed up threefold and make three times as much money in the process. Everyone's a winner.

Azhar M has little better to say about London's premier oversized bicycle wheel. The South Bank is a pretty miserable vantage point, he reckons. Where might give you a clearer view of the city, we wonder? Box Hill — 18 miles yonder — apparently.

Madame Tussauds

Most of the (many) complaints about Tussauds involve steep prices and long queues. There is, however, the odd out of place gripe.

"Who really cares about a wax work of a celebrity?!" asks Dan C from London. At which point we wonder if Dan C knew what Madame Tussauds was before he bought his ticket.

Other punters are more peeved by the waxworks on offer. "Displaying Russell Brand is really scraping the barrel," says TamaraScruffyPigg before suggesting that Tussauds should take it up a notch by having Thatcher and Hitler on display. Why not lump all three together into a sort of waxy hierarchical pyramid of notoriety?

There is also some sage general advice from missjanenc, who says:

NEVER go to London during the Easter holiday. It seems both British and European schools are also off at this time and there were masses of humanity at every tourist attraction in London.

Oh the humanity.

By the way, we must declare: we have our own views on Madame Tussauds.

Buckingham Palace

"All you do is look at history," warns Rayona G of the Queen's central London pad, "It i [sic] a waste of photo storage if you have a camera." We hear you. If there is one thing we can't abide cluttering up our SD card, it's all that blinking history. And one word to sum Buckingham Palace up, if you don't mind Rayona? "Horrible." Marvellous.

Poor old Buckingham Palace might just be one of London's most slated attractions. Reviews from deflated visitors include the following:

We do wonder if this last reviewer went to the right place.

British Museum

What's your favourite bit of the British Museum? The 'Paul McCartney Through the Ages' exhibit? The immersive earl grey pouring centre? The extensive photo collection of people queuing for cash machines? NO! Because they've gone and filled the British — that's BRITISH — Museum with a load of foreign junk, haven't they. And edgework3 is not happy about the misleading name:

Judging by the last, consolatory, line, the restaurant must be serving roast beef, fry ups and gin.

edgework3 isn't the only person let down by the fact that they didn't research what the British Museum is before visiting it:

A slightly odder criticism suggests that the museum needs to be 'brought up to date'. To be fair, travelguys2 is talking about the building itself, rather than the exhibits. Still, it does seem a tad harsh to give the museum a one star rating, when you've admitted: "Such beautiful awe inspiring historical artifacts...what wonderful learning ..im still at loss on how to describe all that the museum has to offer." Anyway, how to we solve this cleaning problem, then?

Perhaps get the attention of a guy like Bill Gates to buy some paint and cleaning tools.

At the very least you'd hope Gates could sort out the windows.

Last Updated 30 June 2017