All 39 London Tram Stop Names: Bitchily Critiqued

Will Noble
By Will Noble Last edited 7 months ago
All 39 London Tram Stop Names: Bitchily Critiqued

Do you know your London trams stops? In this handy guide, we work our way west to east through every single one — making wry/mainly silly observations as we go. All aboard the green line/lighter green line.

Photo: Andrew Smith

Wimbledon: Good, familiar start. SW19. Strawberries and cream. John Inverdale. OK, let's please not think about John Inverdale.

Dundonald Road: How very Scottish sounding. Or do we mean Irish sounding? Maybe both. There's a Dundonald golf course in Scotland, and a place called Dundonald near Belfast (home to Northern Ireland's only public Olympic size ice rink). There's also a Dundonald Road in Kensal Rise. OK, we're dun now.

Merton Park: Parking your car in an irreverent, off the wall way that makes Ian Hislop guffaw.

Morden Road: A motorway i.e. 'more den just a road'. What? It's too early for us to get our coat.

Phipps Bridge: When you try to say 'Phillips Bridge' after 12 glasses of prosecco.

Belgrave Walk: The posh version of the Lambeth Walk. Probably involves a cane and a monocle.

Are these fellas doing the Belgrave Walk? Well no, this is a still from a 1931 hollywood film. Image: public domain

Mitcham: The punchline to a joke we're not clever enough to work out, e.g. 'How do you XXX in south west London? You Mitch 'em.' Answers on a postcard.

Mitcham Junction: The Clapham Junction of Mitcham.

Beddington Lane: Something you'd use to tell a toddler it's their bed time, e.g. "I think it's time you went up Beddington Lane to Dreamsy Ville".

Therapia Lane: Name of a holistic medicine treatment centre.

Ampere Way: There absolutely has to be a local rock band called this. Come on guys, it's there for the taking.

We'd love it if this band was Ampere Way from Croydon. But they're Incite from Arizona. Photo: Wikicommons

Waddon Marsh: The kind of name real estate marketers have nightmares about.

Wandle Park: Non league club football ground.

Reeves Corner: Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a Mortimer Corner opposite. There isn't.

Church Street: Say what you see.

Centrale: Conjures up a grand, barrel-vaulted Europan station. It's actually a non-barrel-vaulted shopping centre.

George Street: This name's on a par with Church Street isn't it.

What we think of when we hear 'Centrale'. In fact Centrale in Croydon is a shopping centre with a Sports Direct and a Carphone Warehouse. Photo: Steven Lek in Wikicommons

West Croydon: Croydon! We've heard of that.

Wellesley Road: Named after a lesser known advisor to Henry VIII. It's not, but it sounds like it is.

East Croydon: The East Finchley of Croydon.

Lebanon Road: The DLR has Cyprus, the tram network has Lebanon Road.

Sandilands: The kind of holiday camp where they'd do a knobbly knees contest.

This is the kind of thing we imagine goes down at Sandilands. Photo: Wikicommons

Lloyd Park: School bully.

Addiscombe: The punchline to a joke we're not clever enough to work out, e.g. 'How do you say to a south London hairdresser who's XXX? He's 'ad 'is comb.' Send answers in with the Mitcham one.

Coombe Lane: We got nothing.

Blackhorse Lane: Like Blackhorse Road but narrower.

Gravel Hill: Like a gravel pit, but hillier.

The Wu-Tang Clan don't readily hang out at Gravel Hill. Proof: Sunil060902 in Wikicommons

Woodside: Some kind of cricketing/nautical term, e.g. "hit him on his woodside, where it hurts"

Addington Village: A retreat for kids struggling with their maths.

Arena: We like to think this stop has departure boards screening interesting BBC Four documentaries.

Fieldway: American football stadium.

Elmers End: Dark Looney Tunes cartoon in which Bugs Bunny finally kills his nemesis.

King Henry's Drive: Where Henry VIII parked his horses. Or maybe Wellesley did it for him.

At Addington Village, maths is fun. Photo: EyOne in Wikicommons

Harrington Road: We feel indifferent about this name. London doesn't: there's another Harrington Road in South Kensington.

New Addington: A retreat for younger kids struggling with their maths.

Birkbeck: What London transport bigwigs probably called Harry Beck when they poo-pooed his revolutionary tube map.

Avenue Road: The answer to a riddle: when is an avenue a road?

Beckenham Road: Where David Beckenham lives.

Beckenham Junction: The Dalston Junction of... OK that was never funny in the first place.

Last Updated 11 April 2017

DavidC

Sadly the Mitcham punchline isn't in the same league as the classic Lancashire/London pairing. "Is this the way to Oldham ?". "No, but it's a great way to Turnham Green".