26 Filthy Olde Words To Use In Modern Day London

Will Noble
By Will Noble Last edited 6 months ago
26 Filthy Olde Words To Use In Modern Day London

18th century Londoner, Francis Grose, compiled one of the world's dirtiest dictionaries — A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue. Here are 26(ish) words and phrases to unleash on your fellow Londoners.

Francis Gose, enjoying one of the filthy words from his dictionary

A

"You utter Arrbor Vitae" - You utter penis.

B

"You bacon-faced back biter" - You fat-faced, two-faced person. (Two for the price of one there).

C

"Just nipping out to Sainsbury's for some Cackling Farts" - Cackling farts are eggs. Obviously.

Six Cackling Farts

D

"Move your Double Jugg!" - Shift your arse.

E

"There's less room on a rush hour Northern line train, than an Eternity Box" - Yep, Eternity Box is a coffin.

F

"I love your Farting Crackers. Are they from Gap?"- Because why on earth would you say 'trousers' when you can say Farting Crackers?

These commuters appear to have forgotten their Farting Crackers

G

"Out of my way, you Gotch-Gutted Golumpus!" - You've just called someone a clumsy, pot-bellied person. Let's hope they're not pregnant.

H

"Your round. Don't be such a Hog Grubber" - A mean, stingy fellow.

I

"Use your idea pot!" - Head.

Careful who you call a "Gotch-Gutted Golumpus"

J

"Some of London's mayors have been right Jack-in-the-Offices" - Insolent men in authority.

K

"He's a real Knight of the Trencher" - A subtle way to explain that your mate's a big eater.

L

"Think I might need to visit the Lock Hospital" - What we might today call the GUM clinic.

Some people might call this fella a right Jack-in-the-Office

M

"I wish that bloody Marriage Music would stop" - That is, squealing, crying children.

N

"Got a tissue? My nozzle's running?" - Nose, obviously.

O

"Shut your oven!" - Shut your great mouth.

Marriage Music: coming to a bus near you soon

P

"I could murder a Prattle Broth." - Cup of tea.

Q

"I can't go out tonight. I've got a Queer Bung." - Not as filthy as you might think. A Queer Bung is an empty purse.

R

"What kind of a Rattle Trap is that you've got there?" - A Rattle Trap is a curious, portable piece of machinery. So in modern day lingo, probably a really new — or really old — phone.

This unfortunate woman appears to have a Queer Bung

S

"I got so drunk last night, I ended up Shooting the Cat" - It means to vomit from excessive drinking. No cats were harmed in the making of this phrase.

T

"These Southern trains never go Tantwivy, do they?" - Full speed .

U

"You're an Unlicked Cub, mate" - A rude, uncouth young fellow.

A southern train? In Zneesy weather? This is NOT going to be Tantwivy

V

"My Victualling Office is rumbling" - Victualling Office = stomach.

W

"It was a right Westminster Wedding" - Marriage between a rogue and a woman of ill-repute.

X

There's only one X in the dictionary, and it's rather sexist, so we won't repeat it here.

Top notch Yaffling

Y

"I can't stop Yaffling" - Eating

Z

"The weather sure is Zneesy" - Frosty or frozen. Basically, London for half of the year.

Last Updated 23 March 2018