A scone with jam and cream, plus a nice strong cup of tea, is the optimum theme for an afternoon tea, experts have confirmed.
For the past three years, scientists have been using London's hotels and cafes as culinary laboratories, in order to ascertain if the classic formula can be improved upon.
583 zanily-styled offerings were unleashed on unsuspecting Londoners, including a David Lynch-themed afternoon tea in Bethnal Green, which four people are still believed to be trapped inside.
Said Professor Sammy Skittles, of the Institute of Comestible Codswallop, "Turns out that your gran and the National Trust were on the money all along. Scones are really nice, even if they're not in the shape of Zaha Hadid buildings.
"By the way, we can all stop eating Sherlock-themed macarons now."
When asked whether we should be adding cream or jam onto our scones first, Skittles replied, "Oh, not that again. Who gives a f**k".