Millennials. They're bloody everywhere in London. Drinking all our flat whites. Not buying any of our houses. But has anyone actually thought to reach out, and speak to a millennial? Londonist tracked down the cast of Tits Up — a new online comedy, based in Putney — and asked them about life in London.
Hello. What does being a millennial mean to you?
Gabby: Single, broke, with a range of anxiety issues.
Tim: Never being sure of what path you should be taking. I often feel confused about what I want and what I should want.
Amy: Broke and over-tired. Oh so tired.
We're out of touch. What phrases are millennials using right now?
Amy: Basic. You're so basic.
Gabby: Things like "on fleek" (no idea what it means). Whenever looking at a funny meme online, the phrase "I can't even" seems to be used, along with a row of crying emoji faces. It's very annoying.
Tim: Personally I still use words like "cosmic". I'm not sure that was ever popular.
Have you ever cried looking into the window of a Foxtons?
Tim: I would never look into the window of a Foxtons for fear of how I might react in public. It's never pretty being faced with house prices.
Amy: I hate Foxtons. I once rented a flat through them and they charged me a ridiculous fee and were totally rude. They all also have those annoying minis that you want to punch. So yes, probably.
Gabby: No, I deliberately look the other way when walking past an estate agents window. Often resulting into me crashing into a cyclist and/or bin.
Which millennial Londoner do you look up to the most?
Amy: Any millennial adulting enough to prepare homemade falafel and sweet potato salad, and it actually looks like the photo. And the one who starts drinking at Friday lunch and doesn't make it back to the office, and still gets paid. What a hero.
Tim: I look up to any millennial londoner who can own that title.
With the emergence of #MeToo etc, do you feel London as a whole is treating you better than it was this time last year?
Gabby: I am definitely happier in London than I was this time last year. But I think that's down to the introduction of the night tube.
Amy: Absolutely not. London will always be a bitch. And there will always be builders. So catcalling will live on.
Tim: My Y chromosome tells me I may not be the best person to comment on this.
What's the most expensive thing you bought in London?
Gabby: I once ended up on a one night stand near bloody Essex, then got a £60 uber back home the next morning.
Do you think you'll ever own a house?
Amy: When my parents die? I joke, we'll be mortgaging that for their care homes. Healthy buggers.
Gabby: I think there's as much chance of me owning a house as catching a flying pig. I used to joke about 'marrying a millionaire and living in a mansion' but now I'm going to need to marry a millionaire in order to be able to rent a two bed house in Shepherd’s Bush with no back garden and overlooking a chicken shop.
Do you think you're the last generation who'll enjoying going out and getting drunk?
Gabby: Nobody can really afford to go 'out out' anymore. Rather than get tarted up, queue for hours outside a club and spend a small fortune on cocktails, I'd rather get shit faced in my own living room, eat a pound of brie and pass out in front of the television.
Amy: God I hope not. If they all continue to be vegan, yoga bending, ripped men I'll be very disappointed. What else do people do if they don't go out drinking? No, seriously...
Do you look down on those fresh-faced Generation Z bastards?
Tim: I look up at them. They will understand technology better than I ever will. I remember when all we had was email and internet (cheaper after six o clock).
Amy: Yes. But only because they're all rich vloggers and I'm annoyed I didn't think of such an easy work from home plan by myself.
You can watch Tits Up, here. Warning: contains millennials.