12 Predictions For London In 2018

M@
By M@ Last edited 6 months ago
12 Predictions For London In 2018

Our annual gaze into the crystal ball.

January

Donald Trump visits London to open the new US Embassy at Nine Elms. Millions of protesters take to the streets. Trump praises “the largest audience ever to witness a building's inauguration, period, both in person and around the globe.”

February

As Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan continues to operate in a professional, diligent, non-controversial manner. He proves too competent for the times and is removed from office. Danny Dyer is sworn in as new Mayor of London.

March

As Paddington 2 is released on DVD and streaming services, the distributor's PR company is accused of cutting corners with the marketing.

April

On the anniversary of his death, a new memorial is unveiled to one of London's most iconic novelists.

May

All eyes turn to Windsor, where Prince Harry marries Meghan Markle. Thieves use the opportunity to break into Buckingham Palace and steal the Queen's washing.

June

HM Government announce that, in keeping with the post-Brexit change in passport colour, the Metropolitan line will be reverting to its historic blue. (Hat tip to @geofftech for that prediction.)

Meanwhile, other public infrastructure undergoes a similar colour change.

July

London gets another much-hyped theme cafe. Contagion!, in Hoxton Square, serves up food inspired by diseases, and describes itself as 'a temple of illbeing'. The menu includes such temptations as scrofula pancakes, mi-grain salad (made with mu-couscous), hot & rabid dogs, and the almost unpalatable diarrhoea soup (don't worry, it's just tahini). Adventurous customers can try the Russian Roulades. One in every six contains a shot of Salmonella. As it says on the door 'To your bad health!'.

August

The FTSE 100 plunges to its lowest level in decades. The market turbulence is widely blamed on Brexit, but local psychogeographers know the truth. The venerable London Stone was shifted away from its traditional home on Cannon Street a month before the Brexit vote. Its continued absence has invoked an ancient curse, condemning the City.

September

Despite funding challenges, this year's Totally Thames Festival still manages to commission some impressive, thought-provoking artwork.

October

To mark its 150th anniversary, St Pancras finally gives in to popular pronunciation and changes its name to St Pancreas. The much-derided statue of the kissing couple is replaced by a giant bronze recreation of the glandular organ.

November

Cuts to services continue to bite. One north London council combines its last remaining fire engine, police car and Christmas lights into a single resource.

December

After years of construction, London's new east-west rail route opens to passengers. Immediately, a civil (engineering) war breaks out between those who call it Crossrail and a faction who use the official name of the Elizabeth line. We're calling it the Lizard line until at least one other person finds this funny.

See how we predicted the year ahead for 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017, and leave your own predictions in the comments below.

All photos by the author.

Last Updated 27 December 2017

Jim_m71

One prediction missing: Geoff Marshall is granted an honorary Doctorate from Oxford for "Transportation Sciences" and marries his long-term sweetheart in a double wedding extravaganza with Harry and Meghan. :)

Martin Goldman

English may cease to be the second language of London in 2018

pervertt

But I thought it WAS Saint Pancreas.