Things To Do In London This Weekend: 9-10 April 2016

All weekend

Fill your weekend with beans at London Coffee Festival. Image: Song Zhen

LONDON COFFEE FESTIVAL: Old Truman Brewery is maxing out on the caffeine this weekend for London Coffee Festival. Packed with brewmasters you'll recognise and loads of specialist bean-wielders you may never have heard of, this is a chance for the coffee-obsessed to stare at, salivate over and sample as much Joe as they can. £14.50-£65, prebook, 10am-7pm

LIKE A ROLLING STONE: Be one of the first to see the Saatchi Gallery's Rolling Stones, Exhibitionism. Step into a recreation of the Stones' 1960s flat and get complete Satisfaction with the host of rock 'n' roll memorabilia on show. We loved it when we went. £21/£15, prebook, 10am

THE OTHER ART FAIR: Packed with great contemporary artworks, talented artists on site and plenty of exciting events, this Victoria House fair is one to be at this month. You can get half price tickets throughout the whole weekend by quoting the code LONDONIST when booking. Standard tickets are £8.80/£6.60, prebook, 11am

BRICKS IN THE SKY: Visitors to the ArcelorMittal Orbit in the Olympic Park can see landmarks from around the world recreated in Lego, including the Eiffel Tower, Empire State Building and the BT Tower. £10/£5, prebook, 10am-6pm, until 10 April

GRASS: Worms, slugs, snails, dancing ants and obscure facts — they're all packed into Southbank Centre's dance show Grass, which is about the green stuff all that goes on beneath our feet. With plenty of puppetry, projection and creepy crawlies. £12/£6, prebook, 11am/2pm

Saturday 9 April

Fancy a secret prohibition brunch? We won't tell anyone (see below). Image: Chrissy Polino

WOMEN IN COMICS: 100 women making comics: this is the largest ever UK exhibition of female comic artists and it's at Granary Square this weekend. It especially highlights the work of British illustrators and looks at the impact of British comic work on the global graphic scene. £7/£4, prebook, 10am-6pm, until 15 May

ODDITIES OF THE STRAND: Take a walk on the weird side this weekend and explore the strangeness of the Strand with award-winning guide, Peter Berthoud. He'll take you from a former beach to London's first wine bar to a back-to-front church to the city's largest clock face (nope, it's not that one). £10, prebook, 11am

VICTORIAN TAXIDERMY: Create your own 3D ‘visitorian’ by skinning, mounting and positioning a rat and using accessories and props to give it a distinctly ‘human’ form. Take the work of Sir John Soane's Museum curator Charlotte Cory as inspiration or create your own. £60, prebook, 11.30am

SECRET BRUNCH: The Prohibition Brunch is back and this time with extra hush hush. We don't even know the location, but we can tell you there's going to be food, a spectacular venue and complimentary drinks at some point. £30-£1,000 (for a 'gold' table), prebook, 12pm-6pm

BUGSY MALONE: Alan Parker's children's crime caper at The Phoenix Cinema is a perfect Saturday lunchtime movie for kids. It might be about gangsters, but this mob have guns that shoot marshmallow — and there's a rousing soundtrack too. £3, prebook, 12pm

FAIRY DOORS: Strawberry Hill House invites children to discover the fairies and elves in this historic property and make their own fairy doors to take home in this creative workshop, so they can can take the magic with them. £2, just turn up, 12.30pm

VAISAKHI FESTIVAL: Celebrate the Sikh festival of Vaisakhi at City Hall. Get involved in turban tying, folk dance, martial arts, spiritual music and traditional langar (food), plus there are loads of activities for kids. Free, just turn up, 1pm

SECRET TUNNEL SATURDAY: Go subterranean this Saturday with Conway Hall's Myths, Mysteries and Magic of the Underground World. Urban legends of the Underground, secret tunnels and the occult — it's all covered in this evening with the London Fortean Society. £8, prebook, 2.30pm-5.30pm

THE OFFICE PARTY: Wish you were back in the 80s at an office party packed with shoulder pads, Wham and a packed lunch? Get your groove on as a guest at this night in the Rose Lipman Building. A five-course meal, team building games and maybe even a slow dance with the boss await you. £55, prebook, 7.30pm

WRITING FESTIVAL: The Lyric presents Young Hart Writing Festival — designed to bridge the gap between young writers and professionals. Tonight, the work of five new writers competes against the work of five pros. Who will the audience vote as their favourite? You'll have to find out. £10/£5, prebook, 8pm

Sunday 10 April

That's a lot of dogs at Upmarket. Image: Cory Doctorow

ZUMBA BRUNCH: Get fit the scrumptious way at Whole Foods's Fulham store. Take a zumba class with qualified instructor and then fill up with tasty and guilt-free Sunday morning food. A perfect way to feel energised this weekend. £21.99, prebook, 9.30am

SUNDAY UPMARKET: The ultimate in Sunday browsing, Upmarket at The Old Truman Brewery features over 140 traders with stalls packed with everything from clothing to cakes, accessories and lampshades. There's also tons of affordable street food, so save a space. Free, just turn up, 10am-5pm

MAGIC GARDEN: If you've never been to Hampton Court Palace, see it at its springtime best by taking a trip to The Magic Garden. Explore the Battle Tower, Lost Tower, Royal Towers, Crown, Mythical Beasts's Lair, Moat — and even meet a dragon. £21/£10.50, prebook, 10am

OPEN DAY: Get a chance to visit The Crossness Pumping Station on one of its rare open days. Dig for the dirty on the Victorian sewerage system during your visit to south London's 'Cathedral On The Marsh'. £8/£2, prebook, 10am-2pm

PIMP MY PROFITEROLES: Create pastries to rival the Bake Off at this profiterole class with Jenius Social. You'll learn choux pastry making techniques, how to create and combine flavours and piping skills, make blueberry and star anise, bitter chocolate, butterscotch sauce and strawberry and cream. Who needs Nigella? £75, prebook, 10am

CHELSEA PHYSIC GARDEN: Tucked away beside the Thames, Chelsea Physic Garden is London's oldest botanical garden. Get up close with over 5,000 plants on this family fun day. Discover the edible, useful, medicinal and historic on this Sunday Funday. Free (with entry to the garden: £10.50/£6.95), just turn up, 12pm-4pm

KINOTEKA: Regent Street Cinema screens a selection of movies as part of Polish film festival, Kinoteka. Catch The Deluge, Demon and Body at various times throughout the day. £11 (per film), prebook, 3pm

SUNDAY COMEDY: Paul Merton, Josie Lawrence, Andy Smart, Richard Vranch, Lee Simpson and Stephen Frost take the stage at the Comedy Store tonight for The Comedy Store Players. Start the evening with Happy Hour from 6pm. £17/£12, prebook, 6pm

BLUE SUNDAY: The Book Club wants to get you dancing this Sunday: blues dancing to be exact. Take a complete beginners lesson, showcase your best moves or just sit back and listen to the superb soundtrack. £8, just turn up, 7pm

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME: Watch the vintage Bond film at the Prince Charles Cinema this Sunday. One of Roger Moore's best performances: cheesy lines, beautiful ladies and a seven-foot villain in the form of silver-toothed Jaws — what more do you need to finish off your weekend? £11/£8.50, prebook, 8.30pm

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