Anyone who's been there won't need us to tell them that all that is far from the mark. Far better to consider the suburb's famous sons and daughters: Bridget Riley; Sam Taylor-Johnson; Samuel Coleridge Taylor; Kirsty MacColl; the alumni of Croydon College of Art, such as Ray Davies, Malcolm McLaren, Jamie Reid, Mervyn Peake, Noel Fielding, Kate Moss and FKA Twigs.
And that is exactly what authors John Grindrod (Concretopia), Andy Miller (The Year Of Reading Dangerously) and Bob Stanley (also Saint Etienne's keyboard player) will be doing. The trio will be considering the virtues of the environs of 2009's Greenest Large City in two evenings of readings, debate and celebration of suburbia, covering books, films, music, buildings and art.
All three have a close association with Croydon — it has influenced their writing, and the way they see the world — so expect a love-in about the Fairfield Halls, the Beano record shop (RIP), the Whitgift Centre, Lunar House, and even the New Addington estate.
Up yours, Bowie.