London Short Fiction: Lyndon The Greatest Thief In London

By Londonist Last edited 38 months ago
London Short Fiction: Lyndon The Greatest Thief In London

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Continuing our series of short fiction set in, or influenced by London. This time, Sam Hogan, age 7, and a royal tale of thievery.

Lyndon was a thief and had a dream: he wanted to become the greatest thief in London because when he sneaked in a house the police found him, but he could escape fast. He was the greatest escaper not the greatest thief, unfortunately.

So, one night, Lyndon thought to steal something in the Queen’s room, the famous Crown Jewels for example. (Lyndon didn’t listen to the teacher at school so he didn’t know that the Crown Jewels are not kept in the Queen’s room but rather in the Tower of London!).

Finally his brain convinced him to go and sneak into the Queen’s house in Buckingham Palace to TRY and find some jewellery. Before leaving he remembered to bring his rope that he stole. He set off to the Palace and with his rope he threw it up to the Queen’s window, which was open luckily, and climbed up. He searched the whole room but found no beautiful jewels. But he saw something that everyone would not ignore... DELICIOUS VICTORIA SPONGE!!

Suddenly, he heard some noise which went like this... tip tap tip tap. Lyndon panicked but he finally got an idea. He looked into the wardrobe and put on, a blue hat, a red dress, some black shoes, a magenta bag and last but not least yellow leggings. He took the sponge and closed himself inside the wardrobe and waited.

The Queen came into the room and she felt something was missing... Her pyjamas!! She went to the wardrobe and she looked inside and there was Lyndon with the messy sponge all over her beautiful clothes. At the beginning she was angry but then she laughed because Lyndon had so many different colours on and also a big mouth full of sponge and jam.

So she invited him to have tea. The next day both of them went on the London Eye and to see Big Ben. That one night Lyndon said “Will you marry me?” “Of course not! I’m already married!” “Oh I forgot.” (Lyndon did not listen to the teacher at school and did not know in fact so he was lying).

The moral of this story is... If you want to be the greatest thief in London, you should listen to the teacher!


Copyright, Sam Hogan, age 7. Photo by vgallova via the Londonist Flickr pool.


We’re still after your stories, which you should send to fiction@londonist.com. Entries must be no more than 1,000 words, and must be set in London, or strongly inspired by the city. Full details here.

We’re also now looking for fairy tales of modern London in partnership with the British Academy's Literature Week.

Previously in this series

Written by children

  • The Lion: something's up in Trafalgar Square

General London fiction

  • Mark: A struggling actor becomes a hero of the people.
  • The Guardian of Travellers: Victoria Coach Station passengers take the advice of a sage.
  • Graphic Novels: a celebrated novelist finds inspiration in Shoreditch Library.

London at Night

Christmas in London

Summertime

London razed

Transport tales

Future/History

  • Two Four Eight: Lance V Ramsay envisions an Orwellian dystopia in the lingo of future London.
  • Old Nichol: Jill Fricker evokes the woes of the old East End.
  • Clissar: Grazia Brunello dips into the future of north London, through a glass darkly.

Horror/Thriller

Fantasy

  • The Perfect Gift: A Christmas fairy tale in which London’s statues come to life, by Katherine Wheston.
  • The City Inside: Tom Butler has some curious metropolitan anatomy.

Relationships/sex

  • Jazz Code and the Tube: The ambivalence of dating, by Jenny Mackenzie.
  • A Free Man: Melanie White’s flash fiction piece considers a recently single guy at a bachelor party.
  • Clean Living London: Ursula Dewey rolls her sleeves up for some housework.
  • Swipe Right: Does Tinder have the answers? By Heidi Scherz
  • The Writer and the Dancer: Close encounter at a flat party by Vincent Wood.
  • St Peter’s Gate, Knightsbridge: A nocturnal romance at closing time, by Theo Klay
  • First: A romance begins inside a London gay club. By Lance Middleton.
  • Natural Disasters: Can you find love at the supermarket checkout, when your customer’s buying porn? Yoel Noorali enquires.
  • NO! SUSHI: A relationship breaks down during a Japanese leaving party, by Clare Kane.

Other tales

Last Updated 08 February 2015