10 Other Ludicrous Property Listings, Coming To London Soon

139961615_ea21381dc4Yesterday a new horror story hit London’s increasingly silly housing market: a garage in Highgate, converted into a studio flat, is up for sale for the bargain price of £250,000.

This was widely seen as a symbol of everything that’s wrong with this city’s housing market. Actually, though, that price, however shocking, is entirely theoretical: the Evening Standard reported this one in April 2012, when the flat was on offer at £260,000, and in the 14 months since it doesn’t seem to have sold. Until it does, that price says less about the housing market itself than of sellers’ expectations of it.

Nonetheless it’s clear that the shortage is pushing people to find new and strange places where they can stick a mattress and call it a home. Garages. Granny flats. Essex. With that in mind, here are some other property listings you can expect to be reading soon.

  • Room to let in three bed flat in Hackney. 8′ by 7′. Comes equipped with amenities including washing machine, tumble dryer, and no natural light, guaranteeing the lucky tenant a perfect night’s sleep each and every night. £90 a week.
  • This two-bed public toilet conversion in a Wood Green multi-storey comes complete with its very own parking space. £280,000.
  • Crystal Palace: Perfect for the smaller home buyer, this 600 square foot flat benefits from fitted carpets and double glazing throughout, and a ceiling just 5′ off the ground. £290,000.
  • The ideal home for a music lover! This first floor flat, directly above the prestigious London Mariachi Band Rehearsal Centre, offers…
  • 12th floor one-bed flat in Battersea, offering great views of the London skyline. Ideal for fitness freaks because the lift hasn’t worked in living memory. £330,000.
  • Perfectly located for Regent’s Park and London Zoo, this termite mound conversion offers…
  • A flat for those who are going up in the world! This studio in Battersea has been luxuriously converted from its former function as a lift in a 12-storey tower block. £350,000.
  • Well located for the Northern line, this ticket office conversion features two bedrooms and reinforced windows to protect you from angry commuters whose Oyster cards have run out. £440,000.
  • This stunning newly developed studio flat situated in the heart of Mayfair offers unique and spacious accommodation with the highest quality finish. Yours for the low, low price of £1,050,000. (Okay, this is a real one.)
  • This charming Docklands pied-à-terre is already let. But Clive’s work as night watchman at the Beckton Sewage Works keeps him out of the house between the hours of 7pm and 7am, and the outstanding 50% timeshare is a steal at the rock bottom rate of just £150 a week.

Or, you could just move to Luton.

Image courtesy of Blech, taken from the Londonist Flickr pool

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Jonn

Article by Jonn Elledge | 94 Articles | View Profile

  • Thelaunchproperty.com

    Property boost is good for everyone. But the analytics are little skeptical regarding the boosting of the property.

    • Dean

      Not good to me, I will never be able to buy my own House. Houses should not be treated as a money making scheme. This country has lost the plot.

      Estate Agents, Letting Agencies and the Government love it however. The feelings, hope and dreams of the populous do not matter a jot to the rich. Sell our Real Estate off to the Oil barons from abroad for a quick buck and we will be on our knees cap-in-hand forever.

      P.S. I’ve worked since I was 18, I’m now 31…I’ve saved and scraped yet I can’t get anywhere near a cruddy little place in London. The dream is just that, a barely reachable faded dream.

      Thanks Capitalism.