Everything We Know About Love, We Learnt From A Press Release

Valentine’s Day always gets the marketing juices flowing. Each year, we’re sent a deluge of emails offering all kinds of romantic insights based on unimpeachable ‘commissioned research’, when actually they contain up to 80% horse meat and 134% bullshit. Here are some of our favourites from the past few days:

  1. In London, you have the least chance of finding love in All Saints, Mudchute, Rectory Road, South Bermondsey or Kilburn High Road. (Ha, Mudchute…love…no jokes there.)
  2. 4% of cabbies have seen a Valentine’s Day proposal in the back of their cab, while 46% have (in almost Dickensian terms) ‘observed an affair’.
  3. 370,000 Londoners will book a last-minute hotel room for Valentine’s night ‘if their date goes well’. (Discovers last-minute hotel-booking firm.)
  4. 28% of men were deemed more attractive by women, when the women could smell coffee. (Based on a laughable sample size of 26; with research conducted by a coffee-machine company.)
  5. Lara Croft and Jack Sparrow voted perfect Valentine’s companions. (WTAF?)
  6. 25% of men would like to see their partner re-enact the scene in the film 10, where Bo Derek jogs on a beach in a yellow swimsuit. (Have 25% of men even seen that film?)
  7. Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting the most played song of all ‘love’ playlists on a certain music streaming site.
  8. Geneva is voted the most romantic Valentine’s destination, reckons one of our airports.
  9. 95% of all press release surveys are brain-wanked into existence from thin air, finds semi-popular London-based website, desperately trying to pad this list out to the obligatory 10 items, and failing.

There were probably others, which unsuccessfully wooed our spam filters. Feel free to share your own spurious love research in the comments.

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  • amythest

    I received a press release this morning about some new single, featuring this inspired insight: “This Valentine’s Day all women should be wearing veils – a classic trend du jour that is enticing and attracts the right kind of attention to a woman’s face. The trend has been spotted on such fashion luminaries as Laetitia Casta, Annabelle Dexter-Jones, Dita von Teese and Helena Bonham-Carter.”

  • Tim

    How do you actually get 28% from a sample of 26? Wouldn’t 7 be 27% and 8 be 31%. Too much caffeine for those researchers.

  • Milenkosmith

    In the valentine day there are lots of message and Greeting present in this days .

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