We asked our Facebook friends to suggest "Things you might say to Boris Johnson if you were trapped in a lift together". 54 people responded. Here are our 26 favourite suggestions, in the form of an alphabet. Check out the Facebook page for further nonsense.
A = "Are you aware that your initials refer to a sexual act?" (Londonist)
B ="Bloody shame they didn't leave you dangling from that zip line." (Thomas Botley)
C = "Come your hair." (Richard Stableford)
D = "Do you know how to dance Gangnam style?" (Isobel Goddard)
E = "Enough of this being a Tory rubbish. I want to vote for you but can't because of this." (Your-Uncle Charlie)
F = "Frankly my dear, i don't give a damn." (Kerri Francis)
G = "Great boogie at the Olympic ceremony. Boris, you've got rhythm!" (Holly Watts)
H = "How do you sleep at night?" (James Chesters)
I = "Is that your real hair?" (John Elledge)
J = "'Johnson'??! Sounds a bit like 'cock'." (Justin Gosling)
K = "Ken says hi." (Carla Montemayor)
L = "Love the hair. Did you do something new?" (Stuart Gilbert)
M = "My God, it's expensive here!" (Viola Górczyńska)
N = "No, I don't have any weed on me, stop asking." (Jennifer James)
O = "Oh, so you're new passtime is the zip line? Please do tell me all about it. Don't keep me hanging..." (Iliana Gogou)
P = "Prime Minister one day?" (Paul Ryan)
Q = "Quite an opportunity you created for yourself on that zip wire - I assume that was all intentional? I mean the Union Jack flags you were holding were the icing on the cake!" (Jessica Lau)
R = "Reallyyyy cool dance at the Olympics !!!" (Jasna Cukut)
S = "Salve, Imperator Londiniensis!" (Caroline Roddis)
T = "This lift has roughly the same dimensions as your proposed affordable housing for key workers..." (Russell Leahy)
U = "Unless I'm mistaken, are you that fella off the telly? The only gay in the village?" (Ricky Gee)
V = "Vagabondry IS the blight of our society, yes..." (Tim Macavoy)
W = "Whiff Whaff...in HERE, are you mad?!" (Dave Kirwin)
X = "Xcuse me but I really think you look like a bear. Can I cuddle you please?" (Belinda Dervish)
Y = "You like your women's volleyball team to be "glistening like wet otters" dont you boris?" (Oliver Ronaldson)
Z = "Zip up that beast, and no, I won't tell anyone the drapes don't match the carpet." (Jennifer James)
Got your own suggestions, or a possible question for next week? Please jot 'em down in the comments below.
Image by M@, incorporating a knitted Boris by Heather Brown.
Previously
Stupid things to do on the Tube