The London Alphabet Game: What You’d Say To Boris In A Lift

We asked our Facebook friends to suggest “Things you might say to Boris Johnson if you were trapped in a lift together”. 54 people responded. Here are our 26 favourite suggestions, in the form of an alphabet. Check out the Facebook page for further nonsense.

A = “Are you aware that your initials refer to a sexual act?” (Londonist)

B =”Bloody shame they didn’t leave you dangling from that zip line.” (Thomas Botley)

C = “Come your hair.” (Richard Stableford)

D = “Do you know how to dance Gangnam style?” (Isobel Goddard)

E = “Enough of this being a Tory rubbish. I want to vote for you but can’t because of this.” (Your-Uncle Charlie)

F = “Frankly my dear, i don’t give a damn.” (Kerri Francis)

G = “Great boogie at the Olympic ceremony. Boris, you’ve got rhythm!” (Holly Watts)

H = “How do you sleep at night?” (James Chesters)

I = “Is that your real hair?” (John Elledge)

J = “‘Johnson’??! Sounds a bit like ‘cock’.” (Justin Gosling)

K = “Ken says hi.” (Carla Montemayor)

L = “Love the hair. Did you do something new?” (Stuart Gilbert)

M = “My God, it’s expensive here!” (Viola Górczyńska)

N = “No, I don’t have any weed on me, stop asking.” (Jennifer James)

O = “Oh, so you’re new passtime is the zip line? Please do tell me all about it. Don’t keep me hanging…” (Iliana Gogou)

P = “Prime Minister one day?” (Paul Ryan)

Q = “Quite an opportunity you created for yourself on that zip wire – I assume that was all intentional? I mean the Union Jack flags you were holding were the icing on the cake!” (Jessica Lau)

R = “Reallyyyy cool dance at the Olympics !!!” (Jasna Cukut)

S = “Salve, Imperator Londiniensis!” (Caroline Roddis)

T = “This lift has roughly the same dimensions as your proposed affordable housing for key workers…” (Russell Leahy)

U = “Unless I’m mistaken, are you that fella off the telly? The only gay in the village?” (Ricky Gee)

V = “Vagabondry IS the blight of our society, yes…” (Tim Macavoy)

W = “Whiff Whaff…in HERE, are you mad?!” (Dave Kirwin)

X = “Xcuse me but I really think you look like a bear. Can I cuddle you please?” (Belinda Dervish)

Y = “You like your women’s volleyball team to be “glistening like wet otters” dont you boris?” (Oliver Ronaldson)

Z = “Zip up that beast, and no, I won’t tell anyone the drapes don’t match the carpet.” (Jennifer James)

Got your own suggestions, or a possible question for next week? Please jot ‘em down in the comments below.

Image by M@, incorporating a knitted Boris by Heather Brown.

Previously
Stupid things to do on the Tube

Tags: , , , , ,

Unknown

Article by Matt Brown | 4,786 Articles | View Profile | Twitter

  • strovan

    maybe it’s comb your hair