Lap it up folks: this is the last public holiday before Christmas so let's make the most of it. With zip, zero and zilch further ado, here are our Zingers of this Bank Holiday weekend.
Zinger Of The Week: Duckie: Best Of British @ Royal Festival Hall, TONIGHT
Now that she is sweet sixteen, those who have waiting for Duckie to become leg
alitimised can join her birthday celebrations at the none-too-shabby Royal Festival Hall. For one evening only, the legendary gay-tastic night usually found at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern goes upmarket on the South Bank. Tonight, they are rocking a tribes theme so feel free to flaunt your stripes as a pirate, punk or princess. Duckie virgins can pop their cherries to the likes of host Camden-mayoress-and-plus-size-diva Amy Lamé, the never-less-than-amazing Up n Over It, the mime-super group that is The LipSinkers, alt-cabaret terrorist Scottee and more big names than a large-font phonebook. Go.
If tonight's Zinger Of The Week isn't your thing, consider slinging your hook at the Bistrotheque to see more of Lisa Lee's Constructed season. Following on from this year's UnderConstruction season, Dickie Beau, Willis, Mr Teds, Helen Noir & Darrell Berry and Natalie Geographic will be handing in their finished homework. We just hope we won't have to use our red pen.
Hot August Fringe approaches its vinegar strokes in some style with tonight's spicy threesome of the emotional Al Pillay, shoe fetishist Aletia Upstairs and the filthier-than-thou Ophelia Bitz with her vintage pornfest, ArtWank!
We pity the fools who missed Dr Clive's Circus at the Arcola Tent last weekend. Dr Clive will be back on 1 October but, in the meantime, there's more circus this weekend care of the Kitchen Sink Circus Cabaret. Space is limited so get there early.
Also celebrating their birthday is Sink The Pink at the Bethnal Green Working Men's Club. Three years strong, tonight's party will be donating all proceeds to Trekstock, supporting children living with cancer. Highlights include the "Glitter My Shitter" make over stand, performances all night from the Sink The Pink dancers, pole dancing trannies and a raffle with a difference. What's not to like?
Cirque des Ombres at East End supperclub The Brickhouse comes complete with a cast featuring firebreather Preacher Muad’Dib (don’t ask him about the size of his worm), dark magician Johnny Electrofuzz , contortionist and acrobat Jo Foley, soul singer Sheila Atim and assorted guest stars including Bohemianaut Tom Baker. Batteries not included. Standing room is free before 7:30.
A tornado of tassel-twirling talent will be fighting it out at Burlesque Idol at Madame Jojo's.
Push the boat out this weekend with some swanky dinner-cabaret at Cafe de Paris' Wam Bam Club. Lady Alex will be marshalling a cabaret crew headed by bouncy ballerina and Forces sweetheart Madame Gallina and fan-dancer Ruby Deshabille who we saw at the circus last week.
Saturday. Duckie. RVT. Readers Wives on the decks. The Cloths on the doors. Amy Lamé front and centre. You know the score by now (16-0 to Duckie, long may she reign).
Old school American juggling troupe, The Flying Karamazov Brothers don’t fly, are definitely not Russian and they’re not brothers but they are will be appearing at the Vaudeville Theatre for a few more nights. We've seen them in the theatre and on a City rooftop and they are assuredly marvellous.
If you already have evening plans, feel free to spoil yourself in the afternoon with Tea & Tassels at Volupté. Magician Christian Lee is your host for this event which attracts a revolving carousel of burlesque talent.
Read it and weep: regardless of what you may have seen elsewhere, the marine marvel that would have been Steamboat Bordello is cancelled. Still, at least we can get dressed up and go boating at Regent's Park should the mood take us.
Now this looks like fun. The National Theatre's Alternative Village Fête is a quirky take on the classic English standard. Bring or buy cucumber sandwiches (crusts trimmed off, obviously) and go see one of the doyens of British cabaret Paul L Martin. The fete is open today and tomorrow.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone/Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone: it's the last night of the Hot August Fringe. Don't look at us like that, we did warn you it would be good. Commiserate this afternoon with the S.L.A.G.S. and start a countdown to next year's summerfest.
How did it get to be Monday already?
This week's video
Michael Flatley wishes he was as good with his feet as this Irish duo are with their hands. Take it away, Up n Over It.
Do you want even more ideas of what to do this weekend? Why didn't you say so?