Nah. Sit tha'sen dahn and oppen up them lugholes. When I were a lass me grandad used to tek us all dahn t'local club on a Sunday to see t'turn. Ee, it were grand, 'ighlight o' t'week, it were - oh, you get the idea. There's a reason northerners move to That London, but occasionally we experience a wave of homesickness. A longing for a warm pint and a game of bingo. Pies.
Leicester Square Theatre turns itself into a northern Working Men's Club one Sunday afternoon a month (though without the nicotine-stained upholstery and racist patter). Comedians - or "turns", in local parlance - do themed sets and there's darts, bingo and a meat raffle to enjoy.
The line-up for this Sunday includes Earl Okin, Scott Capurro, Meryl O'Rourke, Tim Shishodia, Lindsay Sharman, Tom Webb and more to be confirmed - plus Luke Benson, David Hardcastle and Rachel Parris on hosting duties. Be there, or be a daft spanner.
Working Men's Club at Leicester Square Theatre is on Sunday 15th May, 3-6pm. Tickets cost £5.