January: Shadowy internet collective Anonymous hack in to the Boris Bike software and command all units to simultaneously charge at Scientology HQ.
February: West Ham/Spurs Olympic Stadium decision settled with in situ gladiatorial combat between Scott Parker and Gareth Bale.
March: Mayor extends his brand into the luggage sector:
April: Heathrow Airport closed following severe snow/Icelandic volcano/crew strikes/terror threat/giant Mothra attack (delete as applicable)
May: Ken Livingstone announces new sponsor for his election campaign. Henceforth, he must be referred to as ‘The Carlsberg Once-And-Future-Mayor Ken Livingstone’.
June: After years of complaints, Westminster Council finally improve their parking provisions with less-confusing signage:
July: The BBC announce that the second series of Sherlock will be set entirely on top of the Fourth Plinth as part of some weird arts project.
August: Following much-heralded extensions to the Tate Modern and British Museum, the O2 dome gets in on the act by announcing a new concert venue on top of the existing structure, to be called the O2 Nipple.
September: As the financial climate worsens, Lewisham schools resort to emergency rations:
October: Bob Crow goes on strike, leaving thousands of transport union members without leadership.
November: Time Out London publishes its definitive list of Top 50 East End budget vintage clothes shops that also sell muffins. The new list updates and supersedes similar polls from March and August.
December: Extreme sports enthusiast skis down the near-complete Shard.
Let’s hear your own predictions for 2011 in the comments below.
Top image by dominiccampbell. Other images by M@.