The Rev Canon David Parrott, of St Lawrence Jewry next Guildhall in the City, blessed a plethora of gadgets in a formal ceremony on Monday. Parishioners placed laptops, mobiles, and other devices on the altar, as Parrott proclaimed the Holy Trinity of online ethics: “May our tongues be gentle, our e-mails be simple and our websites be accessible”.
The event was part of a 21st-century upgrade of Plow Monday, a tradition stretching back to medieval times in which (during the dark days of BJ, or Before Jobs), people in villages would muster beneath the dark heart of God’s indifference to bless a farming implement upon their return to work.
At the event, miraculous scenes were reported. iPhones that last more than five hours before needing a recharge! Dell laptops re-awakening from the blue screen of death! Reports even came in of a ghostly apparition clutching what appeared to be a Microsoft Zune, though such an improbable sighting has provoked mutterings of doubt from agnostics. Those anticipating the appearance of a bearded, wizened man with a stoic air about him, clutching an Apple iTablet inscribed with a list of rules for moral living, were sorely disappointed.
Despite the Reverend’s ministrations for modernity, one burning liturgical question remains unanswered. What would Jesus use: Mac or PC?
