Grandmaster Pwns Wanstead Chess Players

Seventeen of Wanstead's finest pawn-pushers were no match for Grandmaster Peter Wells last night, according to the Epping Forest Guardian (we assume - This is Local London insist on checkmating readers by not citing source publications). The chess wizard demonstrated his massively parallel multiprocessing skills by simultaneously playing 17 games, remaining undefeated. Wanstead and Woodford Chess Club manager Ian Hunnable summed up the performance, in which Wells took a little over two and a half hours to win 14 games and draw 3: "One recalls some Grandmasters playing so slowly that boredom sets in, but with Peter’s pace, he was placing the pressure on his opponents to complete their calculations before he appeared before them once more." Grandmaster Flash, indeed.