Image by Peppermint Nightmare from the Londonist Flickr Pool
Big Angry Terrapin: You know I deserve more than this. I used to lord it over a whole pond – in Holland Park! I could eat all the ducklings, dragon fly larvae and newts I could want… no one could touch me.
Small Terrapin 1: [bored] Yes, yes, we know, you had it all, it was all yours for five years. The whole pond, all the wildlife, blah blah blah.
Small Terrapin 2: [admiring] You almost killed off the newt population. To think, you were left there as a small, palm-sized pet terrapin, abandoned after the novelty wore off in that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles phase. And then you became king! A dinner-plate sized terrapin king!
Big Angry Terrapin: I was terrapin king pin.
Small Terrapin 1: We all survived that Ninja Turtle phase. We turned out just fine, living in this garden of a maintenance man. We didn’t resort to assaulting pondlife and pumping ourselves up to monster proportions to feel good about ourselves.
Big Angry Terrapin: Damn them for draining that pond! That leak didn’t really need fixing! And then dragging me here for my retirement – the shame!
Small Terrapin 1: I heard you were lying in the undergrowth, crying like a baby when they caught you.
Big Angry Terrapin: I was choking on a dragon fly. They’re prickly. Not crying.
Small Terrapin 2: I’m glad you’re here. You can tell us all about the time you were nearly caught in a baited crab pot but managed to escape.
Small Terrapin 2: The man will be here soon with some of those nice generic reptile food pellets. That’ll be nice, won’t it? Won’t it?
Big Angry Terrapin: I bloody love newts. They slip right down. I miss being in Holland Park.
Small Terrapin 1: I miss you being in Holland Park too.
Big Angry Terrapin: I had it all… it was all mine… no more… no more…