The Lord is watching you
Although the Eurovision Song Contest is not until May
The heats themselves are well underway.
It’s hosted by Graham, who’s not funny anymore
And has a good face for radio writing the score.
This Saturday’s show, at six thirty five
Will see London’s contestants strut their stuff live.
There’s Jade from the East Side and Emperors of Soul
And even young Charlotte, (if Essex counts in this poll.)
This is perhaps why Lloyd Webber is writing the song for the winning entry and not Londonist. However we might make a better Terry Wogan than Graham Norton does as he’s not even a very good Graham Norton at the moment. Lulu and Arlene Phillips are the critics in residence though Staler and Waldorf might make for a funnier show. Still, important business is afoot - your country needs you. How we see it:
Emperors of Soul are clearly the most competent and professional of all the entrants with good voices, slick moves and experience of big stages. However experience costs and they clearly been paying, also they seem to have been given the “loser’s suits” of last year’s null pointer to wear.
Jade too is extremely talented, strong and very easy on the eye. She is also, along with the Emperors, the only decent mover and the bookies have her as a shoo in. That however is her main weakness. Her sudden late arrival after the heats had apparently finished makes it all look a bit fishy and the British public do hate a fix.
The beneficiary of this may well be the youngest contestant Charlotte. With a good voice and memorable presence onstage she has to improve and, more importantly, show the right spirit after last week’s near ejection. If she does then expect a bandwagon to develop behind her along the lines of “plucky girl who was nearly rejected fights on to represent her country.” Whether the country needs a young Carol Decker is another thing, mind.
Any of the above would make good entrants. Whether Jade would win it against the implausibly taut thighed belters of other countries is harder to say, likewise the Soul Boys whose abilities would gain the middle ranking votes of many countries but perhaps not enough of the top notes. Charlotte on this score is more of a gamble in that she could win it but equally disappear without a trace.
There are two other contestants left but unless the rest of Europe falls for the “aw ain’t it cute they’re twins” schtik they haven’t a hope. Despite looking like the sort of beauts who visit London ostensibly to see Mamma Mia but in reality to gawk at the “reet weird” inhabitants the car crash TV mentality of the British might actually mean they get the nomination. This at least is something unlikely to befall the Welsh entrant. He is competent with that famous Celtic sense of rhythm but clearly only got through last week after he shamelessly played the welcome in the hillside card.
So to conclude you are advised to vote early and vote often (unless they’ve fixed the one vote per phone line blocker) for the city’s representatives.
Your Country Needs You is on BBC1, Saturday at 18.40 and catch up with all the action (well fast forward the middle bit) from last week.
