One Foot In The Clink

Dean Nicholas
By Dean Nicholas Last edited 114 months ago
One Foot In The Clink
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Seriously, what's up with old folk these days? Content no more to stretch out the final decades on a diet of interminal war-stories and home baking, pensioners are increasingly to be found dabbling in dubious diversions. Bernard Davies, 73, was this week charged with hacking into a Japanese bank's computer in an attempt to steal millions of pounds.

The septuagenarian Walton resident appeared in court accused of a host of modern white-collar crimes: conspiracy to defraud, conspiracy to steal, conspiracy to transfer criminal property and conspiracy to remove criminal property. It relates to attempts between January and October of 2004 to electronically transfer £220 million from the London offices of Sumitomo Mitsui Banking Corporation to a number of accounts worldwide. Davies was charged along with three middle aged male accomplices, and the case has been ajourned until May.

We'd like to say this is an isolated case, but recently we've noticed a growing trend of criminality among London's senior citizens. Forget knitting, backgammon or wittering on about the good ol' days: the modern OAP is far more interested in running benefit frauds, dabbling in a spot of the old ultraviolence, or giving the neighbours an ASBO-worthy tongue-lashing. And devilishly, they've thus far escaped blame and managed to finger those hooded youngsters as the cause of societal ills.

It ain't safe out on the streets of London - not with those pensioners shuffling about hog-wild. Next time a nice-looking old lady smiles sweetly at you, we recommend you run like the wind - she's liable to shank you and pinch your sneakers, given half a chance.

Image from m0dlx's Flickrstream

Last Updated 17 March 2008

M@

That's nothing. I saw this documentary a few years back about this old geezer who went by the name of Saruman the White. He willfully destroyed countless acres of mature forest, battered and falsly imprisoned another geriatric called Gandalf, meddled with the forces of natue and then waged war upon the Kingdom of Rohan.

What's with these people?