24 February 2017 | 9 °C

Flat Mate Heaven or House Share Hell?

SallyB2
By SallyB2 Last edited 107 months ago
Flat Mate Heaven or House Share Hell?
2603.flatshare.jpg

Now whether your concept of space sharing is shaped by The Odd Couple or by Shallow Grave (any which way two of the best films of all time, surely?), you will have to agree that the course of true co-habitation rarely runs smooth. There’s always something - whether it’s sterilising everything within a five foot radius of the kitchen or contaminating everything within a five foot radius of the kitchen, failing to wash the bath after use, or failing to use the bath - that niggles its way into the core of your psyche, and turns you from domestic pussy cat into sabre-toothed urban tiger.

Of course, very occasionally the thing actually works, chalk and cheese style, and you end up with perfect domestic bliss. Sometimes lasting friendships are formed, and wedding bells are rung.

Anyway, Londonist has learnt of a new competition organised by housemateheaven.com the aim of which is to celebrate the best and the worst of flatsharedom in London. There will be naming and shaming and small prizes and a lot of fun.

So come on Londonist readers: dish the dirt (um, literally): whether you live with a paragon of the pristine or a selfish slob, get online and enter them. At the very least they might get the message.

Piccie courtesy of Kaptain Kobold’s flickr stream.

Last Updated 26 March 2008

dePfeffel

My flatmate's mind is infected with half-baked political views which spill out of his mouth all over the kitchen table without warning, leaving nasty stains which he never clears up.

SallyB2

Best enter him for the competition, then....

DeanN

dePfeffel, I feel your pain, for I also cohabit with a respectably clueless ideologue whose political views have been poisoned by the rabid spewings of a certain Canadian cretin.

Truly it is a sad affair. My deluded flatmate's march from Trotskyist left to rigid right has all the tragic yet irreversible traits of the ground trod by poor Melanie Phillips. Why can't he find that middle ground, I ask thee, where the saner folk keep their heels well connected to terra firma?

Even worse, he's a committed Boris Johnson fan, and has taken to daubing our once tastefully decored living room with pro-Bozza propaganda. Last I heard he was even considering getting a photorealistic Johnson face tattoo. The mind boggles at this poor chap's predicament.

Still, he's generous with the carrot cake, so all is not so bad.

dePfeffel

DeanN, I appreciate your sympathy. You do seem to be in a similar spot. However, there may be a way to turn the situation to your advantage.... If you're someone who is unsure what to think about the issues of the day (and forgive me but you strike me as such a chap) then all you need do is wait for your flatmate to express his opinion and you'll know that the opposite is correct.

This system's not foolproof system but I use it with my own deluded housemate and I find it's accurate about 90% of the time. The poor boy tries so hard to maintain an air of reasonableness and sanity but he always ends up siding with the Islamist goons/South American dictators/Eco-nutters/insert-wrong-people-here...before retiring to his incense-choked lair to calm down.

Credit where it's due - his movie reviews have proven very accurate and are to be trusted. He really ought to stick to light entertainment.

On your flatmate's Johnsonist activity I feel I should declare an interest - I am currently bonking Boris so it would be inappropriate for me to comment further.

DeanN

Thank you for those kind words, dePfeffel - you certainly sound like someone with all the answers, or if insensible of a particular area of interest, a person who would simply make it up and wibble interminally on without any regard for knowledge or experience. Good for you!

And I know what you mean about the poor boy championing those undesirable elements you mention. My unfortunate co-habitee has the distasteful habit of siding himself with such unsavoury characters as noted war criminal Henry Kissinger and anti-feminist bigot Mark Steyn. It's really quite a tragic thing to behold.

But wait - you're currently bonking Boris, dePfeffel? Good lordy, that's quite a scoop. Do you think you could provide Londonist with some salacious gossip about our possible future Mayor?

Actually, ignore that, you're obviously an honourable man. My aforementioned clueless flatmate - he of the Boris backscratching - actually provided me with a naughty story about the calamity of the Henley member's campaign organisation a few weeks ago. I'm certain you'd never stoop so low as to stab him in the back in such a manner.

dePfeffel

Quite right, discretion forbids me from saying more. And I'm appalled to hear of such perfidy in the Boris camp - thank you for bringing it to my attention. I will take this up with BoJo next time I take it up (sorry i'll stop there)

DeanN

BoJo? That's a cute nickname, but I can't help feeling it's missing an 'L', a 'W' and a 'B'.

Perfidy in the Boris camp is apparently rife these days. You just can't get the staff and have to rely on hopelessly smitten lickspittles to do one's bidding.

paul stall

Could not live with someone with certain political views, drive me mad