When we finally get around to learning about life from the movies then perhaps the residents of Osterly wouldn't be so much scared, as they are now, as utterly shitting themselves. Somewhere down in a secluded part of Osterley Park men in ski masks and combat clothing have been spotted watching the locals who like to indulge in a little in-car nookie. We don't know exactly where or we might have been able to undertake some more thorough research. The police say that they're just doggers, but we'd like to ask if they've seen Zodiac yet?
Dogging isn't illegal it's voyeurism but these scary looking freaks are frightening the locals and the police have agreed to step up patrols in the area following complaints. According to a local constable there's one individual comes on a regular basis. Sounds like the paths are more unsafe than we thought and perhaps police resources could be swapped for the services of a good jizz-mopper. The constable goes on to say that the area is well known for boyfriends and girlfriends to come and do what boyfriends and girlfriends do in dark lay bys on their own in cars; which is surely to be brutally hacked into pieces by a mask wearing psycopath. And if we hadn't twisted the words of the law enough for our own purposes then the final statement that we don't want to discourage people from enjoying themselves would seem to be contrary to chasing off our oddly garbed masturbationists. Still, if the body count starts to rise we'll be there to say I told you so.
image from claudecf's flickr photostream