Two 19-year-old men admitted to actual bodily harm last week in Croydon Crown Court and were ordered to pay fines and submit to curfews and supervision orders. The pair of drunken planks (did you really think there would be no puns?) set upon a student walking home from a fancy dress party dressed as a pirate.
“Hamish Reid, prosecuting, said: "Karn grabbed his hat and plastic chain and someone threw a glass at him."
The assailants left in the car but returned soon afterwards, and together with a third man, attacked Mr Elsley with a set of nunchucks and water bombs.”
We don’t know what’s more disturbing – that these men’s weapons of choice are nunchucks and water bombs, or that these fools obviously have no respect for pirates. Haven’t they seen Pirates of the Caribbean? Aren’t they afraid that they may have inadvertently attacked a member of The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, a ‘religion’ that requires its followers to dress in full pirate regalia? Are their timbers not sufficiently shivered?
Londonist, ahead of the trends as we always are, predicts a resurgence of all things pirate. There’s already International Talk Like a Pirate Day on 19th September and we’ve noticed an upswing in the use of the word ‘wench’ in everyday lingo. How long will it be before us land lubbers are standing around the water cooler practising our best ‘Ahoy, ye salty sea-dogs’ at work?
Embrace the eye patch and hook look and and take some lessons in pirate-speak through the video below if you want to be a true fashionista. You heard it here first, cap’n.