28 May 2017 | 10 °C

T5: Rise of the Flying Machines

By londonist_nealr Last edited 122 months ago
T5: Rise of the Flying Machines


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You just can't turn around these days without getting slapped in the face with some kind of airline news, can you?

Something's crashing or something's taking off, something has been "downed" or has completed its spectacular maiden voyage, or something wonderful is about to happen for various "routes" and "hubs", or some Knife-Wielding Maniac (KWM) has struck again in a fit of random violence.

Alright, that last one isn't really airline news.

Today BBC.com reports on the new TERMINAL 5 being built at Heathrow. Terminal 5 is not just any terminal. Terminal 5 is the St. Paul's of Terminals! Terminal 5 will solve our problems! And how do we know this?

Because Nick Higham, BBC news correspondent tells us so. And who are we to doubt Nick? Nick wears glasses. And this makes him - like us - very wise.

Nick says the new Terminal 5 will be the UK's largest free standing building. It will be "big enough to house 5 football pitches".

We assume that means football pitches laid out side by side, not rolled up like a carpet, or folded over and over and over into one of those little secret note bundles you used to pass back and forth in school.

Why did we ever adopt the metric system? Measuring things in football pitches is much easier to understand.

In fact, it's possible that Heathrow will be switching to an entirely football pitch-based system of measurement for its air traffic control by 2010. Negotiations are still underway as to whether it will be necessary for pilots to shout "Goooooaaaaallll!!!" as they touch down.

The new Terminal 5 will become the hub for almost all British Airways flights at Heathrow. Terminal 5 will also be host to two satellite terminals and have stands for up to 60 aircraft.

We urge you to read the BBC.com article yourself – then read it again – and again – because it is quite arousing. Here are some highlights: "size … big … space … impressive … huge … massive … seamless … queue-free … enlarged … confident … promise … spectacular … impressed … delighted …"

And then the very last paragraph complains about those damned environmentalists.

Last Updated 28 March 2007