28 March 2017 | 16 °C

Railway Riffraff

By Londonist Last edited 120 months ago
Railway Riffraff
traininterior.jpg

In an effort to ease overcrowding, railway companies and government ministers have vowed to add an additional 1000 carriages to Britain’s trains by 2014.

Ministers will announce that carriages will be used to lengthen trains on the most congested parts of the network. Much of the extra rolling stock is likely to be used on the jammed network serving London and south-east England, where passenger increases are highest.

Now, instead of just tacking on these extra carriages to be used willy-nilly like all the others, Londonist suggests that the new additions be tailored to suit passenger needs. In the interest of camaraderie and a more pleasant commuting experience, we would like to see the following specialty carriages:

Image taken from gothjen's Flickr hotostream.

• The sick carriage – anyone feeling nauseous, gaseous or otherwise malodorous

• The family carriage – extra room for buggies, comfy seats for pregnant women and soundproofed from the rest of the train

• The Fight Club carriage – for the pushers and shovers, chronic elbowers and otherwise aggressive passengers. Pad the walls, tear out the seats and play Mama Said Knock You Out on a loop

• The “do you have any spare change/I’m collecting for charity/my daughter is sick and I have to get to Grimsby” carriage – this one can just be disconnected from the rest of the train and taken to the nearest YMCA or police station, as applicable

• The Socially Clueless Carriage – for those who sing along to their iPods, make out with their boy/girlfriends or talk loudly on their mobiles

These are only the worst offenders. When they decide to add even more carriages, we’ll see about tackling Loud Newspaper Rustlers, Personal Space Invaders and Hacking Cough Guy.

Happy commuting!

By Amity Reed. Image taken from Trapac's Flickr photostream.

Last Updated 14 March 2007

Bob Bobist

Hah. Bloody Hah.