In a piece of late Friday afternoon no-newsness yesterday the BBC reported the terrifying findings of a Defra security inspection of London Zoo:
"Tigers and lions kept at the zoo could leap over the 6ft-high perimeter fence if they escaped from their enclosures."
Argh! Forget the BoB. This is where this shit gets real. Lions and tigers (and bears)… loose in Regents Park…. Oh my!
Of course, the ‘could’ and the ‘if’ and the fact that the big cats would first have to be arsed to sneak their way out of secure (comfy, with room service) enclosures, dodge the ‘capture’ squad packing tranquiliser guns, find their way to the perimeter fence (egged on by the marmosets and guinea pigs) and make an almighty leap for freedom over the fence, across the park and onto the mean streets of Camden renders this story almost entirely pointless.
The Zoo has been given a full six months to sort it out. Meanwhile, resident Sumatran tigers Raika and Lumpur continue to rootle contentedly around their enclosure and generally chill out in pampered, tigrish luxury.
Photo courtesy of nic0's Flickr stream