Who said football was dull?
Seven members of China’s Olympic team have been sent home following a mass brawl that occurred during their friendly with QPR on Wednesday.
Sent home? For daring to change the dreary spectacle of grown men chasing a small ball up and down a pitch for however long one of these silly games last? What a mistake! They should be hired to come on and liven up all games that threaten to stay on the dull side of violence.
Maybe watching the overpaid pretty boys given a good kicking from time to time will help keep the violence on the pitch where it belongs and stop the fans who wear one colour from hitting fans wearing another colour.
We also envisage weapons being thrown onto the pitch at random points during the game (a hand-held shark! Super lucky!) and maybe hostage footage of the players’ families beamed onto large plasma screens to keep the footballers motivated. The odd motorbike, chariot or jet-pack would also help liven things up.