This week is the Family Planning Association's Contraceptive Awareness Week. In a survey carried out by the FPA, it was revealed that there is "widespread confusion and misunderstanding" about some of the basic facts of sex,
Nearly one in three Britons think that if a woman jumps up and down, washes or urinates immediately after sex, she can prevent pregnancy.
What!! Everyone knows that what you have to do is have sex standing up and shortly afterwards drink a steaming broth of parsley, leek and rose hip, boiled in the skull of a Scotsman. Also, remember, you can't get pregnant if you are listening to Motorhead and you can't get pregnant if it's your first time.*
*you can, by God, you can!