Jah Knows The Green Mon Cometh, Mon

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If you’re in the Bankside area this weekend – specifically at 2:45pm on Saturday, 6 January – well then, prepare to be freaked right out.

The drama troupe Lions Part will be presenting their annual Twelfth Night performance, which features games, song, fabulous costumes, storytelling and all manner of pagan ruckus.

Londonist will certainly be there, because if there’s one thing we love more than pagan Christmas festivities, it’s psychedelic pagan Christmas festivities.

Just a few of the highlights of this year’s trip-fest:

Mummers – Lord knows what a mummer is. But it’s a safe bet they wear costumes and makeup and don’t speak like normal people. They are probably also inclined to jape. Also, possibly, to caper nimbly.

Wassailing – “wassailing” is actually just a fancy word for singing loudly about somebody while drunk. Remember when you were half-blind that one time with your friend named Jude and you started bellowing “Hey, Juuude!! … He’s a cool bloooooke … He’s got a … a … err … urrghh … aww-fffffff- …”? You were wassailing! Bet you didn’t know that, did you?

The Green Man – apparently, a strange man will arrive at the South Bank via rowboat. The man will be covered in leafy green. Lots of leafy green, man. Specifically holly, whose berries were used in the hallucinogenic potions of the ancient druids. This terrifying apparition should technically be called the Holly Man, which is the Green Man’s winter aspect.

The Crowning of King Bean & Queen Pea – this is where there’s cakes floating around with secret ingredients in them. If you’re lucky enough to get one of the cakes with secret ingredients, then you may be crowned King Bean or Queen Pea – depending on what the cake contains. It is possible also that you will be florally bedecked by strangers.

Children are invited to attend.

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