30 March 2017 | 10 °C

Beat The ASBOs... With A Blanket

By Hazel Last edited 124 months ago
Beat The ASBOs... With A Blanket
ReliantRobin.JPG

Amongst the news of brawls, accidents on the underground and dead Russians, here's a heart-warming tale of one elderly couple's triumph over local yobs. Lilian and Bernard Walker, both 75 years old of Forest Hill, south east London, love Reliant Robin cars and have had 10 different models in 46 years. Their current three-wheeler cost £10,000 and is a special edition: it was one of the last 65 cars to be made.

Sadly, local yobs love the car too and enjoy vehicular happy-slapping, gleefully filming themselves with camera phones while tipping over the elderly couple's prized car. The last bout of abuse cost the pensioners £700.00. But they have taken on the local police's suggestion and have thwarted recent attempts to attack their car with the help of.... a blanket.

As any student and lazy housewife / househusband knows, simply chucking a blanket, rug or throw over something (unfinished essays, unwashed dishes, dirty laundry, unsuitable sexual partners) makes it disappear. Each night, the Walkers cover their Reliant Robin with a blanket to make it less conspicuous and so far, the car has escaped the violent attentions of the yobs. Mrs Walker says: "It's like tucking your kid up in bed. We've also got a camera spying on it so if any blighter dares touch our car again, we'll have them on candid camera. So watch out."

It's comforting to know that hooliganism can be so simply conquered. These yobs aren't the highest quality ASBO-chasers in London if they are so easily fooled; there is perhaps nothing to fear walking around Forest Hill after dark. Just carry a cunning tartan rug with you and as soon as you see a gang of hoodie-clad, mouth-breathing teenagers approaching with menace, drop to the floor and cover yourself with your blanket. They'll pass by without a second glance and you can get home, safe, sound and pleasantly insulated against the cold.

Last Updated 24 November 2006

Richard Leeming

As ever Douglas Adams was ahead of reality - this was the recommended way to hide from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, an animal so stupid that it tought that if you couldn't see it, it couldn't see you ... and therefore you were safe.

Though I think a towel rather than a blanket was the recommended cover.