Call Me Ishmael Hedgewhale

You can't beat a good whale-hedge story story:

A hedge cut into the shape of a whale is under threat in south London after a council said it could be dangerous.

Dangerous? Is the thing sentient? Is it devouring Brixton's plankton?

Lambeth Council said the hedge severely obstructed a footpath in Solon Road, Brixton, and told creator Zac Monro to cut it back. Mr Monro denied his hedge was a problem and said: "All the residents love it." But council divisional director John Edwards said people had a right to walk along footpaths safely "without having to step into the road".

This is the kind of thing that those chaps in the blue helmets should be helping with as soon as they've sorted out that David & Goliath crap in Lebanon.

"Have they really not got anything better to do?" he said. "I trim the hedge regularly and have no problem with doing that." He said his whale-shaped hedge attracted compliments from passing strangers, "even though some of them still think it's a peacock".

A peacock? WTF are the inhabitants of Solon Road on? Seriously... a peacock?

Lambeth Council would not be drawn on the rumour that they've hired a group of Japanese tourists to deal with the whale, while a bowl of petunias on Mr. Monro's windowsill was heard to remark "Oh no, not again".