29 May 2017 | 19.6 °C

Slippery When Wet

By Londonist Last edited 130 months ago
Slippery When Wet
225px-Super_soaker.jpg

Whilst driving through London's banlieu on Sunday, an item on Radio Five Live caught Londonist's attention. In between news from the test match and the awful opinions of that rank Scotsman Nicky Campbell, a cheerful broadcaster spoke of a three week contest taking place upon the streets of our own fair city, in which the contestants are tasked with hunting each other down and opening fire with water pistols. It sounded rather entertaining and conjured up all sorts of daring visions of masked assassins prowling around the dark Victorian streets where the Thames does flow, armed only with their wits and one of those squirty flowers that clowns use. Upon returning to Londonist headquarters, we fired up our interweb machine to find out more. The Grauniad told us this....

The 250 who paid a fee to sign up for London's Street Wars on streetwars.net will receive an envelope containing a picture of their intended target, their home and work addresses, name and contact details. They will have the whole of London to track them down and shoot them with a water pistol - only bars, buses, bus stops and inside places of work are out of bounds - and they must make at least one hit a week. Whoever shoots a target inherits their target, and so on until one survivor gets the £500 prize

Good clean fun we thought. Until we had a look at The Super Soaraway Sun's version of events, which wasn't so positive...

PRANKSTERS planning a sick game of “assassin” during the first anniversary of the 7/7 attacks risk being shot DEAD by cops.

Jiminy! Being dead is one thing, but being DEAD sounds a much more beastly affliction. What were these PRANKSTERS up to? Maybe it's not such a clever little game after all. And then....the penny dropped. We recalled one of the lesser inhabitants of the dungeon, a chap called Alex, strange fellow - thought we'd got rid of him during that soccer world cup but apparently he's still skulking about, murmuring on at us about some water pistol contest and could we please pay for his entry fee sir please sir. Turns out he's entered into this 'sick' game! Ha! Silly bugger. Oh...here he is now....

Alex...

The game starts on Sunday, or Monday, when I'm due to pick up the details of my first 'target' and quite frankly I'm feeling rather nervous about the whole thing. Mainly because Mike has convinced me that the there is a real chance that I will be gunned down by our not-at-all over-zealous police force but also due to the fact that even if I manage to avoid becoming DEAD, there is still a high probablity that a random geek who's been overdosing on DOOM will be waiting outside my office with two 'super-soakers' and I'll be forced to return from my lunch hour soaking wet and then have to explain to my manager why I am a sad loser.

On a more practical note, I don't have my own weapon as yet. Any suggestions would be most gratefully recieved. I'm after something more subtle than a super-soaker, that looks nothing at all like a gun...or a chair-leg.

Alex will be updating us on his progress in the Street Wars competition. Unless he becomes DEAD.

Last Updated 20 July 2006

Pablo

Aparently a similar thing called the Assasins Guild or something at Sheffield University last year, where something of an armed siege occured when a neighbour noticed people sneaking around and called the cops.

Spoil sports!

Alex

Great. Will someone please tell me that I have nothing to worry about and that everyone will just see that this is just a bit of harmless fun? Anyone? Bueller?

Numpti

Sheffield must be a magnet for this kind of story as during a game of Killer (Steve Jackson Games) that I was involved in (much the same as Street Wars) one young man was arrested by the police.

He had gone to the Uni library to ask for the address of his target that amazingly the librarian gave him. He then flashed his replica waterpistol in shoulder holster and declared "I'll go kill him then" and wandered off.

The Sheffield Star had him on the front page as a "Would be Rambo". Fantastic.

I received a warning on my University report for having had a banana in my pocket for 3 days. Wouldn't have been so bad but the look I was getting on the bus were embarrassing.

mike

Sweden:

A major police operation was launched in southern Sweden on Tuesday after a man was reported to be seen shooting a gun into a restaurant.

A witness alerted police in Landskrona, who sent several teams from the north-west Skåne area.

Officers sealed off the area and investigated the issue, but it turned out that the weapon the man had been shooting was a water pistol.

Police said they had decided it was better to be safe than sorry, following a number of attacks in bars in the Landskrona area in recent months

NYC:

Four police officers shot and seriously wounded a man on a Brooklyn street last night after he pointed what they believed to be a gun at them, the police said. Moments later, the officers discovered that the gun was a water pistol, the police said.

The man, identified as Maurice Brown, 32 years old, was struck twice in the leg and once in the chest and taken to Kings County Hospital, where he was listed in serious condition, said a police spokeswoman, Sgt. Mary Wrensen.

The officers, who were responding to an anonymous call to 911 that a man was walking on the street with a gun, spotted Mr. Brown in front of 90 Sullivan Place in Crown Heights at 8:39 P.M., said another police spokesman, Officer Andrew McInnis. When the officers asked Mr. Brown to drop what they believed to be the gun in his hands, he instead pointed it at them, Officer McInnis said. The officers then opened fire.

London:

Alex, the sporty prankster gunned down by police yesterday, was an England supporter so the pain he felt right up until the seventh bullet destroyed his brain stem was probably nothing compared to losing on penalties

"We'll miss Alex," said Rob, the Londonist editor.

"It's a pity the police didn't" added Mike while rifling through the dead man's desk looking for a tube of fruit polos.

Alex

Right, I'm screwed then. There is no way I am carrying anything that remotely resembles a gun.

I have two options here I feel. Firstly, my wife has a HUGE plastic syringe that is used to blast wax out of the ears of people like Mike. Secondly, I honestly think I should go with a squirty flower or similar. If anyone has a novelty plastic frog or similar that squirts water, could they please send me it?

If anyone's getting shot, it's going to be the idiot trying to track me down with a replica uzi.

matt

Water balloons are the only way forward...

mike

If she can get you medical supplies just get her to borrow a colostomy bag - those fuckers are lethal up to 20ft if you squeeze hard enough.

Will come in handy if the police shoot away part of your bladder too.

Blooper

This game was used for a plot in an episode of CSI New York earlier this year: http://www.csifiles.com/episod...

Pablo

These are some safer options..!

A water-squirting calculator:-
http://www.the-joke-shop.com/s...

A water-squirting bow-tie:-
http://www.the-joke-shop.com/s...

A jumbo water-squirting flower:-
http://www.the-joke-shop.com/P...

And finaly, for the sneakiest of peripherals, the water-squirting ring! :-
http://www.the-joke-shop.com/s...

The use of such weaponary will of course mean close quatre combat, so stealthlyness will be required!

God speed soldier.

Alex

Pablo - I like the cut of your jib young man. For me, it's got to be the water-squirting ring. It promotes the use of solid preparation, stealth and cunning disguise.

Although I can slowly see myself becoming more and more clouseau-like over the next few weeks...