25 April 2017 | 3 °C

Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well

By sizemore Last edited 130 months ago
Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well
142631558_3b74f6d12c_o.jpg

Advertising on the tube is about to get more distracting/annoying:

Like a scene from science fiction movie Blade Runner set in Victorian England, giant advertisement films are to be beamed on to London Underground platform walls.

Before we get to the meat of this let's just take a look at that opening paragraph. Like a scene from science fiction movie Blade Runner set in Victorian England? WTF? Mr Smale is trying his best to get us excited about new ways to sell us shit we don't want by conjuring up images of giant zeppelins filled with Japanese advertising shoved down a tube full of repressed Londoners with impressive facial hair. It's a pity that little metaphor isn't at all like the reality, but we guess that kicking things off with like the dull screens already up on the escalators at Tottenham Court Road... but a bit bigger' isn't quite as much fun.

Fully computer-controlled just means it won't work properly, but this is the best bit:

in addition to advertisements, it will also be able to beam across everything from football scores to lottery results

So at one end of the spectrum we have the capability to beam footy results while way down at the other end of this technological marvel's ability we'll be able to see the lottery results. Fantastic. No need to bother taking a copy of Proust down there then; we'll be so fucking enthralled we'll be praying for a signal failure just to see what pops up next.

"Although it will be a fantastic transformation - like TV going from black and white to colour - there will be no sound, so from our point of view it is the evolution of the poster rather a standard television advertisement.

An evolved poster. They may as well stop making science fiction right now. The future has finally arrived. The main difference between this evolution and the television is that buying a TV is optional and it comes with a very clever piece of tech called an off button.

Mr Oldman added that the projection idea had received a very enthusiastic reception from the advertising community. We bet it did. The way that those Vietnamese children got a very enthusiastic reception from Gary Glitter. As for us being a captive audience, that's just rubbing salt in the wound. You know we can't escape so you're going to ram your crap down our throats like... oh hang on, we're back with Gary Glitter again.

Maybe a better way to start that story off would have been:

Like a scene from science fiction movie A Clockwork Orange set in a tube system you can't escape from, giant advertisement films are to be beamed on to London Underground platform walls and back into your eye sockets whether you like it or not.

Time to work on a set of Londonist branded blinkers.

The photo is from Niklas' Flickr stream.

Last Updated 22 June 2006

Jess

The funny thing about the "tv" ads at Leicester Square - and, I fear, inevitably about these soon-to -appear giant TV-poster ads - is that they suck. They all involve a camera panning over a completely still image, and then jarring back to the beginning of the loop to pan over exactly the same image.

So, not only is it extra annoying (and a collasal waste of electricity, thank you green Ken), it just sucks.

Jo

It'll be horrific. Moving pictures? I can just see people getting confused and wandering onto the tracks.

The worst 'innovative' advertising I ever saw was in the Sun And 13 Cantons on Great Pulteney St - the mirrors in the ladies' loos had holograms of the bloody rabbit from Donnie Darko so you'd see the damn thing out of the corner of your eye. I tell you, in an advanced state of inebriation, the sight of the most horrible rabbit in history is enough to make anyone have a fit of the screaming heebie-jeebies. I nearly had a heart attack.

Mike

Jess - we'll also need someway to digitally project old chewing gum onto Bonnie Langford's cadaverous face.

Jo - the most horrible rabbit in history? You've never been to a Pixel! Pixel! Pixel! gig then. And what about General Woundwort?

jansenkoe

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