Hands up if you like cyclists. According to the Independent today that’ll be quite a few of us. A 50% increase in bike journeys across the capital in just five years and despite all the arguments over funding for cycle lanes, Ken is hoping to double the number of cyclists in London by 2020. Is that what they call 2020 vision then?
Now hands up if you absolutely hate cyclists. Ah, that’ll be Nigel Havers then, coming on like an aristocratic cad from the front seat of his Bentley, referring to them all as
Hold your horse power Nige old buddy, ALL of them? That’s a little strong surely. So what have our two-wheeled brethren done to incur such wrath?
The rules are that you stop at a red traffic light. I’m at one now and four cyclists just went through. They go up a one-way street the wrong way. And they’re aggressive if you get in their way. One just smacked the side of my car with his hand. It’s unbelievable behaviour.
Smacked the side of your car with his hand… Absolutely unbelievable behaviour. Just as well you didn’t smack the side of his hand with your car. Might have been a very different ending. After all there’s nothing like being cut up by a speeding motorised coffin to make you behave reasonably. We’d like to recommend that one day next week, Wednesday perhaps, all cyclists get in cars instead and drive around after Nige, keeping him blocked in fumes of over-heated smog, constantly waiting at traffic lights all the while reminding him as he grows ever later for his next lunch appointment that is is our God given right to congest the streets with traffic.
We agree that there are still large numbers of cyclists who are a danger to themselves, pedestrians and anyone driving a 2CV, and that there needs to be some consensus about which road rules cyclists should be obeying. And we agree that there are far more drivers out there who need kneecapping, dangerous maniacal fuckwits with the pedal to the metal and the roadkill left splashed by the school gates; we’ll leave the arguments to the comments page. And whilst our concerns for the amount of pollution our drivers are responsible for grow, along with the increasing costs of operating a car plus a public transport infrastructure that offers slightly worse value for money than X-Men 3, it looks like cyclists are here to stay. So about time we saw a little more tolerance and adult behaviour on both sides, especially as town turns into that wonderful summer human stew.
Perhaps old Nige might find this Saturday’s World Naked Bike Ride more appealing. On second thoughts it’s a protest against our consumerist car crazed culture so probably not. The London leg kicks off at 3 at Hyde Park’s Wellington Arch.
Or if you’re completely nuts you could sign up for the Dunwich Dynamo: 120 miles to the Suffolk coast by moonlight. If you’re thinking of joining up please let us know and send us some pics. Maybe the Midsummer Madness trip from Greenwich to Primrose Hill to watch the sun rise on Summer Solstice might be more your kind of thing.
There’s lots of fun things to do on bikes, most of which will bug the crap out of Nigel Havers, so please, all of you: get on your bikes and ride…