We like to think we're as appreciative of a nice minty-fresh pit as the next person... unless the next person is this Gumtree poster:
Oxford Street flatshare, Free rent in exchange for favours.... (£1 pw)
Yes, you get your own room, free rent, in return for semi-sexual favours. Basically I'm a busy career woman, who knows what I want and always get it.
Here's the deal. I am a busy woman, and will need you to give me your undivided attention for 2 nights a week for a maximum of 2 hours! That's it! You will need to lie shirtless in just your boxer shorts on my bed and hand cuffed with your arms above your head. There will be no intercourse, I will simply just simply play with you, caress you, run my fingers along your body, rest my head on your chest, talk to you, etc. That's it
Oh, that's it? Oh well, that sounds just fine. We can see a few problems cropping up when we want to bring our mates round to have a few drinks and watch non-armpit related DVDs, but other than that, yeah: tempting.
You will need to be good looking with a luvable cute face, with an attractive muscular body. You need to be a gym goer (that's a clue that you have a great bod). Not too much muscle like a body builder (yuck), but no skinny blokes either. You need to be fun and like to socialise. You're also adventurous and open to new things. So if you're an ugly antisocial, please do not apply.
To apply you will need to send me
1. A decent sized shirtless pic of you
2. Pic of you with your arms above your head
3. Close up pic of your armpits
4. And a pic with your clothes on.
We've actually got some photos like that, but we were six years old at the time. Does that count?
Unfortunately you can't apply to the ad (we can tell you were tempted) as Gumtree have rejected it for being in breach of their terms and conditions. They have however left most of it up there for people to read, not for entertainment value you understand, but "as an example of innappropiate content in the hope that this will deter future sinners" (and because they know people like us will link to it).