18 January 2017 | 3 °C

Ken On Trial

By Rob Last edited 131 months ago
Ken On Trial
uken.jpg

The Adjudication Panel for England were told today by Ken's solicitor, Tony Child, that when the mayor compared Evening Standard reporter Oliver Finegold to a concentration camp guard he damged his own reputation but not that of his office.

Child also compared Ken to the likes of Profumo, Blunkett and Jeffrey Archer. Not to say that Ken is a blind, womanising criminal with a penchant for showgirls and sideline in bloody awful novels, but to point out that those politicians damaged themselves and not the office they held:

"Why would an informed observer see the peccadilloes of David Blunkett as affecting the government?," asked Mr Child.

He said there was "no evidence" that he brought his office into disrepute and it is "untenable" to suggest it.

The maximum penalty for bringing the mayoral office into disrepute is to be banned from office for five years (although that's not what will happen to Ken), so in order to ensure that this kind of thing never happens again here's five handy insults which can be safely and justifiably hurled at any Evening Standard journalist who attempts to door-step you:

  • The Chairman of your managing company comes from a long line of Nazi sympathisers.
  • Another AP newspaper, the Daily Mail, once threw a Nazi-themed staff Christmas party.
  • The newspaper you write for is a scare-mongering rag that regularly editorialises on it front page as a substitute for proper journalism.
  • Your paper doctors photos.
  • An anagram of Evening Standard is Dr Agenda Invents (that'll show 'em!).
  • Last Updated 23 February 2006