Last week, the FA's David Barber showed that whilst he may know a thing or two about stats, he's not much cop at the predictions game. A paltry two out of six for David, who'll have been trying to avoid bumping into Trevor Brooking in Soho Square all week, for fear of receiving a volley of abuse from the apparently mild-mannered but secretly sharp-tongued Essex footballing legend.
If the FA can't master this art, then who can! Surely there is answer? It can't be that the simple act of predicting the result of just Premierhship fixtures is actually a purely RANDOM process? Is that what this all is? Random? A cruel cosmic JOKE? We cannot accept it. We will not accept it! Ohhhhhh.....damn it all to hell....it's all over.
Right then. Who's next?
Your name & occupation?
Sarah Johnson, Overseas and UK Events Assistant for Breast Cancer Care.
Welcome. Where do you live then?
West London! The Clash! The Kings Road! Hugh Grant! QPR! Wonderful. Which team do you support and why?
Fulham. My dad has supported them throughout his life and this seemed the best way to avoid an argument!
Anything for an easy life eh? Quitter. Your favourite player?
Lamps. Quality. What about Joe Cole: genius or idiot?
Idiot. He never seems to say anything of much sense! He comes across as being a little dull and doesn’t have the best chat in the world.
Poor Joe. Your favourite place in London and why?
Albert Bridge. I love looking at it at night from a distance. It is so beautiful when it is lit up. It brings back childhood memories of family outings along the embankment, wrapped up in winter.
Nice. Who was the last famous person you saw in London and what did you want to say to them?
Richard and Judy sitting on their lawn in their front garden. I was very shocked and said ‘hello, nice house!’
Have you ever been sick on the tube?
Liar. And now let's take a look at your predictions.....
Birmingham v Arsenal
It has got be a win for Arsenal. Birmingham will have to pull there socks up to beat this team. But then again anything is possible! Away win.
Man Utd v Fulham
I would love to say Fulham will win, and I will! Let’s be confident about this. Man utd have had a bad run lately, so I think this could be a glorious match for them! But then again, when do Fulham ever play well out of Craven Cottage? So my prediction for this match will be an Away win.
West Ham v Sunderland
Surely West Ham have this in the bag? Sunderland, I didn’t even realize they had a team! Sorry. So I will say Home win.
Chelsea v Liverpool
Hopefully Chelsea will win this! Secretly I am probably a Chelsea fan too. They have a great team, great boss, even better track record so I think this should go their way. But haven’t Liverpool being showing off their skills and thirst for wins so this will be a toughie for both teams. With this in mind…the result will be a draw!
Tottingham v Charlton
One of my best friends supports Tottenham and he would be mad if I said they would lose so, the result of this will be a Tottenham win. Home win to Spurs! They played pretty badly in the week though so this could be a close run match! Will keep my fingers crossed for them!
Thank you Sarah.
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