For sale. ‘A genuine lucky dip of fly tipped items.’ Guess where? eBay, of course. The home of carrots with vaginas and Virgin Mary toast is now offering an assortment of rubbish illegally dumped in Plumstead.

Greenwich Council have been a little sluggish in removing the junk, so residents Laura Babb and Laurence Collyer decided to stick it all on eBay. They don’t expect any serious bids, but wanted to make a point.

We are fed up of having this on our doorstep and thought this would be a novel way of bringing it to people's attention.

Says Ms Babb. Where are Steptoe and Son when you need them? Oh.

Greenwich Council have apologised for any missed rubbish, so buyer beware: your goods might be gone by the time you collect. There is a contingency, though:

If, by some miracle, all fly tips have been removed by the time you come to collect, we will happily provide you with an old carpet that we have lying in our front garden (for which Greenwich Council promised to provide a quote for removal, but that's another story!)

They might well be hearing from Golden Palace. The online casino employs the unusual corporate strategy of accumulating wacky items. From William Shatner’s kidney stone to a watering can used by a certain whale, late of Battersea. Might a ‘scabby mattress’ and a ‘used toilet’ complement their collection?

Currently, the top bid stands at £0, but you’ve got until midday on Saturday to snap up the bargain. Bid here.

Picture taken from the ever-brilliant I Like Drawing.